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Don't break down after a break up. Refresh, restart, and fall in love with yourself, with these 6 ways to deal with a break up and make a new start.
Don’t break down after a break up. Refresh, restart, and fall in love with yourself, with these 6 ways to make a new start.
One of the toughest phases in life is when you are trying to get over a relationship. It is hard to forget that one person who meant the world to you. Letting go of the continuous thoughts about them and those precious memories can be torturous. At one or other time, we have all gone through this phase. But in order to survive, we need to let go. We need to release the sadness, the loneliness, and the haunting memories.
Why is it so important to let go?
When we hold on to the past, we do not grow out of it. We continue to remain in our past, and the present and future slips unnoticed through our hands. This quote explains this better:
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience.
There are many methods to let go. I am mentioning a few, which I have known to be helpful. These methods are efficient in letting go of anything you associate with a person or an event. Be it anger, frustration, bitterness or stress.
The Methods:
Take out a notebook, write about the person or experience you wish to let go. You can write it in the form of a letter if you wish to. Write your heart out; express your feelings without bothering about grammar, proper language, or order. Write whatever is coming to your mind when you think about it. Continue writing; tears may flow, you may start to feel overwhelmed, but continue with your writing.
Once you have put everything you feel on paper, read it again. This time you will drown in the same emotions again. Once you finish reading, tear out the pages and burn. Affirm to yourself that the flames are taking away all your worries and thank them for the courage it is giving you. Repeat this until you are feeling less and less trapped in your memories. You can do this once a week or once a month, as you feel necessary. This is the easiest method.
Everything that happens in life happens for a reason. Every person comes into our life with a lesson. Identify the lesson this person or event gave you. Often, when we understand what we learnt from the experience, there is a sense of closure. May be that person had taught you to love and to be loved, may be they made you start loving yourself, maybe they were the one who gave you that push in the right direction.
They may have been your light. Remember what the experience taught you, and let go of it, as you have done with many other lessons you have learned in the past.
When we are in a relationship, we have it etched as a part of our emotional system. If it suddenly ends, we cannot let go because this person was part of our best memories. We all know, human beings are not perfect. There is bound to be bad memories about the same person as well. Remember to remember those bad moments.
When some negative thoughts come in about the person, you will find it easier to forget. Most of the time, when we remember a person we love, we just remember the good times and conveniently forget the bad times. Nothing is perfect, ever… try asking friends/relatives for help. You may not remember, but they might.
If you are grieving over a person who left you for another, it is time to empty the bin of all memories. Delete phone numbers and photos from your phone or computer. Throw away any other memorabilia. Do it with the intention of letting go. Do it one at a time. You will realize you are better off without this extra load of memories. Let go of them. If you want to fill your glass, first it has to be empty. Empty your life of past memories so you can start creating new ones.
In this highly connected world, technology often makes it hard to forget. Memories come haunting when you are bombarded by old photos, messages or even their latest photo update which proclaim they don’t have a place for you in their life any more. Unfollow them on the networking sites; block them.
You can’t think of forgetting someone by keeping on looking at their photos, their updates or tweets. Stop yourself every time you feel the need to visit their profile; even anonymously. Stalking never brought back anyone their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. Go on a technology fast when you feel overwhelmed by the memories. Switch off your phone and disconnect from the internet.
Go out and do things you like to do, now that you are single. Watch funny movies, catch up with friends, listen to peppy songs or visit that art gallery you were wishing to go to. Do whatever is different from your routine. Visualize the happy, single you, instead of visualizing the sad, lonely you. Laugh. Learn new things to do; craft, art or baking; anything to keep you busy. Fall in love again, this time with yourself. Fall in love with life.
This post was first published here.
Pic credit: Stewf (Used under a CC license)
Preethi Venugopala is a Civil Engineer by profession and an artist and writer by passion. Her love for English language manifested into a postgraduate degree in English Literature. She is a published author and her read more...
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We can’t bombard impressionable young women in the name of enlightened entertainment to feed them the same drivel. At least let us not label misogynist movies as helping the cause of women.
I have watched at least 2 ‘purported’ trailblazing Bollywood movies in the recent past that left me with a feeling that I had taken part in the ice-bucket challenge all over again. This time around, however, without even the satisfaction of having supported a worthy cause.
Both the movies have about a 90% liking rate on IMDB/Rotten Tomatoes. Both are touted to ‘sensitively’ portray the taboo topics that seem to be mostly hidden underneath a layer of banana peels – dangerous to even tread nearby.
Dushyanta clearly remembered everything. But he didn't have any intention to accept a poor woman from a remote hermitage as his wife and her son as theirs.
Dushyanta clearly remembered everything. But he didn’t have any intention to accept a poor woman from a remote hermitage as his wife and her son as theirs.
She sat motionless on the royal bed, her knees drawn up to her chin, staring vacantly outside the palace window.
She was sheathed in exquisite scarlet red silk, shot through with golden threads forming intricate traditional patterns. Chests of gems and jewellery were strewn all over the bed. The maids were fussing over whether a diamond-studded necklace would suit their queen or a gold choker would look better. Another younger maid was arranging her tresses in a coiffeur.
Are you in love with your past? Letting go of your past, whether good or bad, is the only way to live in the present and move on to the future.
Like most people, I am a strong believer of the notion that we should find a way to accept our past and be proud of it in order to move on to a better future. I consider my past as a struggle and the fact that I was able to break free, is something that I have always been proud of. Then again, I find myself referring to my past time and again albeit proudly.
When you think about it, how often should you remember or talk about your past? How healthy is it for your current self? Accepting it and being proud of it is one thing, but hanging onto it and constantly recalling it, is a whole different aspect.
As the new year dawns, let go of old hurts and pain. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Your past is only holding you back. This new year, just let it go.
As, the year is drawing to an end, at Women’s Web, we have been brainstorming, on the year-end topics, we can bring to you. And trust me, something like New Year is done to death, so coming up with something new each time is not easy. As our brainstorming continued, our editor Aparna came up with this lovely idea, of letting go off hurts this New Year.
We are all made of what we have lived through, and life has never promised to be easy. We carry so much within. Each year when we spring clean our houses, if we had a device that would spring clean our hurts and wounds within, we would have known, what the stories we carry within are.