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If Titanic Had Been Made In India

Posted: June 15, 2013

Titanic in IndiaI was recently watching Titanic on television and quite enjoyed the movie – despite it being very obvious in some ways, I was surprised that 15 years after its making, it doesn’t feel dated. Then I got to thinking what Titanic would look like if it was ever made in India, and here is what I came up with.

Presenting – Bollywood ka Titanic 🙂

1. Jack sees Rose, the snobbish upper class girl and decided to ‘teach her a lesson’ by humiliating her or stalking her, with the help of encouraging friends. Of course Rose falls in love with him.

2. Rose then proceeds to give up her pretty dresses and puts on a salwar kameez with dupatta. Because no woman who has found love could possibly want to wear Western clothes.

3. Although Rose falls in love with Jack, like a good Indian girl, she then decides to stay with the man she had been promised to – because she suddenly remembers that it was her dad’s dying wish that she marry Cal. Of course he didn’t ask her, would a good Indian dad do that?

4. Rose would then proceed to spend a good part of the movie crying about her lost love , watching him from behind pillars and resigning herself to her fate as a soon to be married woman. Her mother sympathizes with her but doesn’t dream of going against the wishes of the head of the family.

5. Or, Rose gives in to her passion for Jack, spends a night with him, and finds out the next day that she is pregnant. Because, all sex before marriage is rewarded (sorry, punished) with pregnancy, didn’t you know that?

6. In this scenario, the day after the sinking of the ship, after Rose has been rescued, we would see her emerge on board the Carpathia wearing a white sari.

7. Naturally, there is no question of this Rose now marrying another man, because the virtuous Indian woman doesn’t do that.

8. Rose doesn’t travel the world or have a job or do anything for herself. Her life is spent moping in front of a photo of Jack.

9. She devotes her time to raising her son (who looks exactly like Jack), and training him to one day take revenge on her behalf against Cal – who could have saved Jack, but didn’t.

10. Jack Junior falls in love with Cal’s daughter, who happens to be a rich, snobbish girl who needs taming….and the story begins all over again!

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