Indian weddings are among the most ostentatious weddings ever! Do we really need such expensive weddings?
We are a nation of people who love to indulge in excesses. We show this enthusiasm for excesses during social functions such as weddings, engagement ceremonies and birthday parties, to the extent that they become circuses rather than social functions- the richer we are, the more we like to make public spectacles of our money and so-called ‘connections’. We also love hierarchies- more so if we can climb to the top of them by means fair or foul.
Let me stick to weddings- our self respect hangs by a thread on how many cuisines are served, and how many white clad netas with their retinues of black-cats and other hangers on attend our functions. Our self respect is also dependent on whether the groom drops from a helicopter or whether the bride’s trousseau has been imported from France.
A recent wedding of Congress politician Kanwar Singh Tanwar’s son had over 15 thousand guests, the groom got a Bell helicopter as part of the dowry, the dinner had over a hundred dishes, and apparently the groom’s barber was given a $ 5000 tip! According to media reports the entire drama cost over $ 55 million.
This in a country where most people cannot afford two square meals a day, where children die of starvation as a matter of routine, and where simple healthcare is missing over large areas. Also, a minister from the same Congress party of which Mr. Tanwar is a member, had recently told the nation that 15% of India’s food is wasted in such ‘extravagant and luxurious functions’.
To delve deeper into the food crisis, a Hindi news channel recently showed a clip on food wastage during social functions such as weddings in India- it quoted government statistics and informed us that food worth Rs. 58, 000 crore is wasted annually in the country during weddings, birthdays, death ceremonies, kitty parties, etc. Compare this with the food subsidy the government will shell out once the National Food Security Bill becomes law- Rs. one lakh crore: that is to say that if food wastage during weddings, etc. is somehow stopped, the government will save 58% of the food subsidy cost!
In the 1960s the Government of India had halfheartedly tried to curb ostentation during social functions through the Guest Control Order, 1960, which restricted the number of guests at weddings in order to control the wastage of food; now the Government is mulling a new version of the Order (through a piece of legislation this time) to curb wastage of food during weddings!
One aspect of this ostentation and wastage during weddings is dangerous- the not so well off are aping the rich and spending far beyond their means to keep their self respect ticking; and more dangerous is the fact that most of this expenditure is borne by the bride’s family. This aping of our social or economic ‘superiors’ is what sociologist MN Srinivas had called ‘sanskritization’; this hierarchy- and trying to climb it- of ostentatious spending also reminds me of Homo Hierarchicus: Essai sur le système des castes (1966) by Louis Dumont. Both the concepts- ‘sanskritization’ and ‘homo hierarchicus’ were coined keeping the caste system in mind, but apply so well to mindless aping of near about anything.
We Indians are the most hierarchical society ever- the most undemocratic in a democracy! Our riches, our ostentation, our ‘connections’ so much on display during weddings, tell us apart from the hoi polloi, never mind the cost.
Pic credit: 46137 (Used under a Creative Commons license)
I am a former bureaucrat, and have worked a lot on gender issues, disaster management and good governance. I am also the proud father of two lovely daughters. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Netflix’s ‘House Of Secrets: The Burari Deaths’ dwells into the shocking death of an entire family of 11 in one night. It throws light on gender roles, superstitions & mental health in Indian households.
(Trigger Warning: This story delves into a documentary about alleged suicide/murder and may be triggering. Spoilers ahead).
Directed by Leena Yadav and Anubhav Chopra, Netflix’s latest three-episode documentary ‘House of secrets: The Burari Deaths’ traces what happened with the Bhatia family in 2018. On a usual summer morning, 11 members of the same family were found suspiciously hanging from the roof in the suburb of Burari. Later it was concluded to be an occult ritual gone wrong.
By the time I arrived home I was a tearful wreck. I finally told my sister. She could understand. Should we tell Bhau, our brother? No, she said. “What if he comes with you and gets into a fight with that man?”
Some places just stick in ones head just as some faces do. One such place was Hotel ‘No Name’.
Out of many things, I learnt to respect my boundaries and my limitations, it taught me to be patient with myself. Yoga encouraged me to be curious about my relationships, not only with others, but with myself- my body, thoughts and food.
Covid’19 hit me like it hit many. It brought with it financial losses, job insecurity, tested a lot of my relationships, and I know and acknowledge that I am far more privileged than many others around the world for whom this pandemic has been way more catastrophic.
Why do Indian weddings become a day for everyone and everything else except bride and groom?
With the most cliched and most used words as I start this post, I am in no mood to bring you the amazing fun that attending weddings can be. I am also in no mood at all to discuss any marriage related issue. As winter progresses, weddings around are on a rise. Every year during this time, many people decide to take the ‘taken’ road and therein, what comes as an effect to us the viewers/attendees is a series of get ready-reach-smile-eat and come backs!
I bring to you a personal issue I have been facing. And I see it as a very Indian weddings problem. Having attended some 5 weddings and related events (Sagan, Sagai, Sangeet) recently, I realized how the business of weddings is troubling me as an individual. The D- Day, should be the day of the Bride and the Groom and their families (close ones). Instead, the whole day is a social show-off day where everyone gets in their best-dramatic-shoes and acts all cranky and tries of put other off. Please keep in mind that the views here are totally personal and a result of personal experiences. Nothing, absolutely nothing is exaggerated. Anyhow, let’s go point by point here. (more…)