Is the younger generation taking marriage for granted and opting for divorce too easily?
I am writing this piece fully prepared to receive sharp reactions from the current generation of young and prospective brides and grooms. I had earlier tried to defend arranged marriages and ended up supporting marriages arranged not by parents as I initially planned but that arranged by the couple concerned. Who knows if I would fail again and end up endorsing the opinion of the very youngsters whom I plan to criticize in this post of mine? I would make a very bad defense lawyer so never ever hire me to plead your case.
Sonu was a young man in his early thirties when he dated a girl and decided to marry her. They got to know each other through a matrimonial site and had met on quite a few occasions. The girl belonged to the same community as him and his parents were overjoyed that their son did not choose to marry a girl from a different state and culture. The two shopped for their wedding and planned a trip to a holiday resort in Kerala after the marriage was solemnized. Since Sonu’s mother’s health was cause for concern they had asked the girl’s family to come over to Jamshedpur and made arrangements for the wedding ceremony to take place in a hall close to their home. We were among the invitees but since the wedding was to take place at night we left after dinner a little after the groom was welcomed by the girl’s family to the venue of the marriage. We next heard that the marriage had taken place but the girl refused to accompany the groom to his home. She had canceled the trip to Kerala as well as her leave and returned to Mumbai to resume work at her office. Reason?
Well, if you ask me I would say that the reason given by her did not merit a divorce but my young readers may think otherwise.
It so happened that the boy’s 2nd and 3rd toes on his right leg were fused and the girl got to know of it only after he removed his shoes for the marriage rituals that took place. She felt that he ought to have told her about it. The girl’s family created a ruckus over the issue accusing the boy’s parents of covering up vital information and left the place without performing the ‘milni’ which involves a kind of introduction and interaction between the families. The girl has now filed for a divorce which may be granted in all likelihood.
My question is this. The boy in question says that he had never felt inadequate or handicapped because of his condition. He got a doctor to examine him and confirm the fact that his congenital defect was not hereditary and produced certificates of the prizes he had won for athletics in school sports and tried his best to save his marriage. Even if for a moment we agree that he ought to have told the girl in question of his handicap and suddenly noticing that his toes were fused must have shocked the girl, did the girl have to take the extreme step of calling off the marriage?
If she was so upset why did she not object before the marriage took place? I hear that the girl’s family is asking for compensation. Was this a ploy on their part to fleece money out of the groom and his family?
The girl has no parents and it is only an older brother and a step mother she can turn to for advice. The brother does not earn well and it perhaps suits him to have a high salaried well employed sister supporting his family. The step mother may not be concerned about her future.
I feel that the initial shock was justified but there was no need to call the marriage off. The issue could have been sorted out. What do you think?
*Photo credit: actum (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License)
The Hip Grandma lives in a small industrial town called Jamshedpur and despite all its shortcomings, she would rather not shift anywhere! She began her career at a local women’s college for two reasons: read more...
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Falling in love, marriage, a hidden secret, divorce. Despite all this, Vinita noticed her life was full of love that came in various unexpected shades!
“Aap jinke kareeb hotey hain, woh badey kush naseeb hotey hain…”
Just as Vinita was settling down into the cab seat, the driver put on music and the song started to play. It took her back immediately to that evening ten years ago, when Gautam had sung that very same song to her on the first evening they had met. She could remember every single detail of that evening so very clearly.
The driver obliged and immediately stopped the bus for them. Many men got down. They shamelessly lined up just by the side of the bus and peed on the other side of the road.
I work in Pune. My family lives far away from me in a small town along the coast of Konkan. I get to meet them once every fortnight for which I have to take a nine-hour long overnight bus journey.
It was shocking to hear of the brutal murder of a 17 year old college student in Ranchi – a girl who had just answered her 12th boards and was emerging from the examination hall. The act was pre-meditated and carried out by her spurned lover who simply chopped her head off with a dagger as if she were a banana tree. What drives young men to commit such heinous crimes, I wonder. It was all the more shocking because the boy belonged to Jamshedpur and was residing in a locality very close to where I live. I kept thinking that the boy could have been anyone of the promising high spirited young men whom one meets on the road. I wonder how his mother failed to read his mind I mean there ought to have been warning signals and even if she did identify them did she not take them seriously? It was mentioned in the newspaper that he had told his friends that he planned to kill her for spurning him and had even bought a dagger for the purpose but they did not take him seriously.
This brings up the next point. There are conflicting reports about the girl s interest in the boy. Some say that she was interested but gave in to family pressure and agreed to marry a boy of their choice. Others say that it was one sided romance and the girl had rejected his proposal to marry her. Either way, should not one respect her wishes and step aside? Like child sex abuse, I feel this is another area that needs to be discussed and debated. I would like to see our society mature and accept the fact that arranged marriages are soon going to be phased out and instead of reacting negatively to a teenager s interest in the opposite sex, parents need to tell them that they need to be self dependent before deciding on an important event in their lives. In the above mentioned case a little understanding on the part of the parents and timely counseling might have been helpful.
India has the lowest divorce rate in the world, and its 'culture' is proudly cited to be the reason. But is that really a good thing? What does this do to the couples in these marriages?
India has the lowest divorce rate in the world, and its ‘culture’ is proudly cited to be the reason. But is that really a good thing? What does this do to the couples in these marriages?
When I was studying in the United States in the eighth grade, there were was one other Indian girl in my class. I had just moved from India. I was no less patriotic than Shri Manoj Kumar. Always ready to sing, ‘Mere desh ki dharti sona ugale ugale heere moti’. The other girl on the other hand was born there. She hated to be associated with India. Or me.