Divorce & A Changing Society

Posted: July 16, 2011

An acquaintance of mine supposedly distributed sweets when her daughter s divorce was granted by court. She was happy that the days spent in bitter court room battles were over and done with. Her daughter would now be free to concentrate on her career and future. She was granted custody of her 3 year old daughter and the husband was allowed to have the child in his care during weekends. Fair enough, I felt. Parents often tend to transfer their anger and frustration on the child and it was perhaps better for them and in the interest of the child s welfare to separate rather than cling on to a relationship that was almost non-existent.

I could not help comparing her reaction to the earlier one when she was equally happy over her daughter s engagement to this very person. On both occasions she was happy for her daughter. She got her married to a person known to her family and must have expected things to work well for the couple. When the marriage did not work she supported the girl through a traumatic divorce. I can understand how comforting it must have been for the girl to know that her mother cared for and understood her predicament.

However, that was not the point I wished to make. I see that society is more open to accepting the fact all marriages do not necessarily have to be successful. If it were not so, her mother would not have felt free to discuss it with her circle of friends nor would her friends be in a position to openly support her. After all they belonged to a generation that believed that a woman had to make a marriage work against all odds. Two very good individuals may not be able to adjust with each other as marriage partners for umpteen reasons and there is absolutely no need to paint them black and call them villains. This indicates a certain degree of maturity and acceptance of the situation that will go a long way in helping the individuals concerned to get on with their lives without feeling guilty about not trying hard enough to make the marriage work.

Parent s support means a lot to children particularly when they are going through a bad patch in life. I am glad that the days are gone when mothers declared that a daughter had to put up with all kinds of mental and/or physical torture to sustain a skewed relationship in the name of marriage. I certainly do not say that divorces are to be sought and encouraged for every little disagreement. When all options are tried out and nothing works this may be an alternative that may be considered without fear of criticism.