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We Indians – we are big on Tradition. We like to revere it, uphold it, force others to uphold it, kill them if they don’t – yes, we love Tradition. And we are so fond of it, we will uphold one tradition even when it conflicts with another. Our “adjustable” mindset allows us to do that. Sometimes, that’s a good thing – the world is not black and white, and it’s good to let it be when things clash with each other. But sometimes, peculiar things occur in the name of such tradition.
Here is one such story. I belong to the Tamilian Brahmin community, and I mention this only because that has some relevance to this story. Tamilian Brahmins (or TamBrams, as they are sometimes known) have certain well-laid out rules when it comes to the handling of food. These include the strict separation of vessels/implements used for cooking and eating, not eating or touching food on others’ plates, not letting certain foods mix with other foods and so on. My idea is not to diss these rules – some of these make sense from a hygiene/disease prevention point of view, and others such as not letting cold foods near hot ones would have made sense in a pre-refrigeration era.
Some of these rules are so ingrained in one from childhood that even today, while I can pick up a piece of dry roti from someone else’s plate, the idea of sharing something messy like rice revolts me instinctively.
Which is why, a few years ago, at a Tambram wedding, I was horrified when it emerged that one of the ‘traditions’ was for the bride to eat her first post-wedding meal from the same plantain leaf that her husband had used – after he had eaten. Disgusting to anyone (both the practice and the idea – to imply that the woman should be happy with what her man leaves her), but particularly surprising in the context of Tambram traditions that lay so much stress on ritual purity.
Of course, most people did not see the conflict. This was a tradition too, wasn’t it? And Tradition cannot be questioned. The unwilling bride was coaxed into following the tradition – and although it cannot have been a pleasant meal for her, the peace was kept. Ultimately, the tradition of keeping the woman in her place won the day.
Founder & Chief Editor of Women's Web, Aparna believes in the power of ideas and conversations to create change. She has been writing since she was ten. In another life, she used to be read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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