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The last maid who worked at our house – her husband abandoned her, while she was pregnant with her first child. Then, when she stopped working at our place, we got a young woman with two children under 5; she was friendly but feisty – she bargained hard and laid down a strict list of tasks that she would do and not do. She worked with us for a month, after which she had to stop. Because, her husband didn’t like her working; it injured his prestige, you see. If you think you are the boss, you work and support the family, I’m not going to contribute anything, he whined. And that was that – she had to stop. In the interests of maintaining some peace at home.
Her replacement, a woman she brought along – is a 40-something widow. Seeing her calm and cheerful face, one would not guess at the tough life she must have led to bring up her two sons.
The stories of these women are not rare in any sense. Abandoned, threatened, intimidated, overworked, left widowed (in many cases, with the husband dying of alcoholism-induced-cirrhosis of the liver) – these are the common stories of the working class women of our country. I’d hate to come across as dismissive of any social class, but what is the reason that women, and women alone seem to carry the burden in so many poor families?
Women of the middle and upper classes still have the luxury of deciding whether or not to work, but for these women, it’s not a choice. Perhaps, given a choice, they’d love to put up their feet and sit, even if just for a day. Instead, they get up at unearthly hours, finish the domestic chores at their own homes (catch the men chipping in with these!) and then set out for a hard day’s work. Mostly, just so that their children can have a better life.
(Which is why, this whole ‘fatwa on Muslim women’s salaries’ controversy is so ridiculous. The women who desperately need the money – it doesn’t make any sense to them; and as for the women who ‘want to work’, well, I don’t see them listening to such outdated pronouncements, do you?)
Also, do go read Space Bar’s article on the middle class and how they could do more to support domestic workers.
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Many women have lost their lives to this darkness. It's high time we raise awareness, and make maternal mental health screening a part of the routine check ups.
Trigger Warning: This deals with severe postpartum depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
Motherhood is considered a beautiful blessing. Being able to create a new life is indeed beautiful and divine. We have seen in movies, advertisements, stories, everywhere… where motherhood is glorified and a mother is considered an epitome of tolerance and sacrifice.
But no one talks about the downside of it. No one talks about the emotional changes a woman experiences while giving birth and after it.
Calling a vaginal birth a 'normal' or 'natural' birth was probably appropriate years ago when Caesarian births were rare, in an emergency.
When I recently read a post on Facebook written by a woman who had a vaginal birth casually refer to her delivery as a natural one, it rankled.
For too long, we have internalized calling vaginal deliveries ‘normal’ or ‘natural’ deliveries as if any other way of childbirth is abnormal. What about only a vaginal birth is natural? Conversely, what about a Caesarian Section is not normal?
When we check on the health of the mother and baby post delivery, why do we enquire intrusively, what kind of delivery they had? “Was it a ‘normal’ delivery?” we ask.