Jumma Chumma Na De Chumma

Kissing has always hooked Indians irrespective of the age group people belong. As a kid, I remember watching it as a depiction of “brushing together of flowers” in Hindi cinema.

The flowers acted as masks keeping the secrecy behind the lip -to-lip art. Then came Eastman colour that showed couples running behind the trees making me wonder how could the actors take “Nature’s call”  so seriously in between the filming of a scene? I recollect standing in front of our TV, tilting my head, moving my feet sideways to catch on the scene behind the trees and getting a smack from my sister in return for trying to figure out things that came with UA certification. Though the censor board lived up to the national interest owing to the primitive audience, curiosity killed the cat.

The cult movie Titanic and the Jack and Rose kiss on the bow surrounded by the open and enchanting sunset seduced most of the Indian viewers way back in 1997, and after that, it suddenly became a benchmark with everyone floored by the superstar’s enigma.

On one of my regular school days, I remember one of my fellow batchmate going hysterical after watching Murder in 2004 and dishing out the details in a hush-hush tone about FK. At first, I thought it is Fardeen Khan, he being the ‘national crush’ of girls at that time, but then I realised she meant ‘French Kiss.’ It quite created a stir those days until Emraan Hashmi counted it as one of his bad kisses during one of his appearances on the show Koffee with Karan. That stems a recent display of kissing in traditional Indian weddings.

To go with the trend, is the recently wedded AAP member Raghav Chadha and Priyanka Chopra’s lesser-known sister cum Bollywood actress Parineeti Chopra. Well, Politics and films are partners not just for a reason but they rule in every season.

As soon as the kissing photo surfaced on internet, regardless of what the “yea-sayers” and “nay-sayers” had to say, I kept my fingers crossed hoping none from the crowd present at the event comes up with the quintessential slangs used in the nook and cranny of the country capital. Yes, one thing that is common in North-India is the variation in the slangs.

There are kisses, and then there are misses

Jokes apart, with feminism apparently becoming the topic of discussion everywhere and women having a power to say NO, what if Parineeti changed her mind during the ceremony cause of experiencing a bad kiss with her beau, as on-screen, she has been a visual delight to us in many of her films.

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Be it her or any other bride/groom for that matter, not every kiss ends with a good feeling. Many a times, I have thought of claiming a refund on my purchase over a bottle of Listerine mouth wash. What if the groom or bride forgot to use tongue cleaner in a hurry to get ready?

According to a survey of 1000 Americans conducted by American Dental Association, only half of the respondents clean their tongues daily. What if the groom smelt of garlic stuck between the teeth on the wedding day?

In many parts of India, wedding is all about fasting affair. Many take it as a fast to express gratitude to the God to have found their partner for life. What if the girl or boy took the fasting seriously and not consume even water resulting in xerostomia? What if the mouth has to pay for your previous night bachelor’s party?

Kissing is way more than what meets the eye. What if the photographer’s lens does not capture the perfect kissing angle and the crowd present there cheers aloud for one more time without their knowledge of you been blessed with a smelly partner?

Just imagine in a high-profile wedding, with the camera and videographer focussing on you and you turning around with a constipated smile to see nobody checking on you while you are busy doing your secret oral check. This makes me happy thinking that thank God! We are born middle-class.

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