Dear ex- friend, why did you stop caring about me when I cared about you so much? #LetterToMyEx

I hope this letter finds you well. As I gather my thoughts to pen down these words, a surge of emotions envelops me, prompting reflection on a friendship that once bore considerable meaning for both of us. A friendship where we shared even the most insignificant and mundane details of daily life with each other. A relationship where we navigated the highs and lows of life side by side for more than a decade. A companionship that was a treasure trove of laughter, shared secrets and source of sanity, wisdom and countless memories.

So, I always cherished and will continue to cherish the bond we built. However, it’s evident that things have changed, and we have taken different paths because it’s been quite some time since our last conversation.

False expectation of permanence

It’s naïve of humans to believe that some things can last forever.  And, I subconsciously thought that too. I perceived our friendship to be not only stable but also dependable. I guess the expectation made it particularly painful when our relationship started to shift. As I retrospect, it got me thinking, how do we get through life thinking it will all last forever. Everything changes. Seasons, months, years, our faces, our bodies, our minds…then why not friendships?

Pain of growing distant from a close friend is more profound than a breakup with a romantic partner

“A true friend is the one you can go months without talking to and when you reconnect, you feel nothing has changed”. But is this really true? Does actually nothing change? We hardly spoke in the last two years. Obviously, often people have got too much going on which consumes them leaving little room for socializing. But, I never considered talking to you as socializing, I did so because I liked it. I figured out ways to fit our time in the routine whenever you needed me. Hence, it felt weird to have almost an year pass by without any communication. I did not want to be so out of touch with a friend like you who mattered to me. Though, I do understand that as responsibilities grow and as the time passes, a regular commitment isn’t possible from either end but dropping a ‘thinking of you’ or a greeting occasionally isn’t too much, right? It felt bad when my calls went unnoticed. And for the times you did manage to acknowledge, it was either, “will call you in the evening” or “will call you tomorrow”. But, seemingly the stars never aligned to make those calls happen. I am well aware of your efficiency and how excellent you are at multi-tasking. So, I detested the realisation that perhaps I no longer figure in your priority list.  But what led to this shift and why did you grow apart; remains a mystery to me.

Your shift in attitude helped me internalize

Life is busy and I understand that you have a lot to cater to. Everybody has their own way of prioritizing and sorting things. So, empathy is surely important here.  And keeping this virtue in mind, I internalised about a lot of important things . May be it was toxic of me to keep track of who and when is putting more efforts into this friendship. It’s easy to feel uncared for when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with us in the way we need. And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on our own worth. But then I came to terms with the fact that the way you are behaving may not be about me. May be we both weren’t at fault. Friendships need to be mutual and balanced, and the more we allow them to become out of balance and overpower us mentally, the less they are about friendship and the more about issues. The introspection helped me become balanced. So, thanks to you and the strong foundation of our relationship that helped me with this realisation.

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I want you to know that there is no resentment or bitterness in my heart. Though it’s still not totally okay in my heart that we’ve distanced from each other, both literally and metaphorically, but I respect the choices you’ve made. I understand that friendships evolve, and sometimes they might come to an end too. Despite the changes, I want to express my gratitude for the positive influence you have had on my life and the lessons I learned from our friendship.

Absence of closure left me feeling confused and unfulfilled

It’s a paradox that as we age, the need for close female friendships intensifies, yet maintaining them becomes more challenging. Additionally, there’s no established way of concluding friendships. We lack rituals, protocol, paperwork resulting in a unique level of discomfort and confusion due to absence of non-closure.  Anyway jokes apart, I am writing this letter to take this opportunity to convey to you that I recognize my genuine affection for you, and therefore I hope we can reconnect some day in our own special way, but may be that will happen when it has to. For now I only wish that you reach out to me after this letter by giving me a call or sending a message. If there are any misunderstandings or hurt feelings on your part throughout our journey, I am willing to talk about them. I believe that sincere conversations can give closure to both of us.

The time we spent in each other’s life was indeed amazing. I am grateful for the person you were during that chapter of my life and I genuinely pray that life brings you all the joy and fulfillment you deserve.

Look after yourself. Keep evolving, keep adapting, keep letting go. The world has great things in store for you.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

Warm regards,

A hopeful friend


About the Author

Anuradha Gupta

A 35 year old educator from Gurgaon, Anuradha has done B.Tech plus MBA. A teacher and writer by passion, she began her career with Risk Consulting and Internal Audit, and later moved to the read more...

4 Posts | 798 Views

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