The Realisation That I Never Had My Own Home

I am lucky to have a home, which I can call my own. I love my small, beautiful, cozy home.

When I was out for lunch with a friend recently, she happened to talk about her life at home. It dawned on me then that so many women are in her situation – their homes are not really theirs!

A home, where a woman can freely do things her way, without hesitation, without having to justify her moves all the time. Somewhere she can put things wherever she wishes to. A place where she is not obliged to follow a routine to suit others and can go and come as and when she pleases.

Our homes are our canvases where we express ourselves

We often look to beautify our homes. Buying ornamental objects for our home, excitedly thinking about where they can be put up. Choosing them carefully so they can be put in that specific place.

But we are often met with disappointment when someone else tells us that it is not the right place for it or worse still, moves it to another place without asking. That is when it hits us that this home is not really our home. This usually happens with women and homemakers because they have not paid financially for the house, so their opinion is usually brushed off.

When it comes to buying or changing something at home, once again their opinion is dismissed or disregarded. Sometimes it is done in a very clever manner – their opinion is sought after, but gently disregarded and always dismissed.

This gaslighting makes women doubt their choices

The withdrawal symptoms kick in. Over time, this person starts to become confused, self-confidence decreases, and indecisiveness begins. They start to believe that their choice is inferior, boring, old-fashioned, or lacks originality. The next time, if they are consulted, they remain indifferent or don’t want to participate in any decisions at all regarding house improvement.

And so, this saga carries on, with the home predominantly reflecting one personality with hues of the subservient one. Both are happy at this stage – the dominant one, being bold and authoritative; whilst the docile one, being almost grateful for letting some of their decisions be a part of the home. Even if the decisions are only about the colour of the bed sheets, after all, it is her home too!

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I would like to know which one are you, the decision-maker or the mere grateful one?

Image Credit: Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

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