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She Was An Achiever… Until She Got Married And Her In-Laws Decided She Wasn’t !

And when she enters the bedroom, she sees her husband's towel lying on the bed, his underwear thrown about in their bathroom. She rolls her eyes, sighs and picks it up to put in the laundry bag.

Vasudha, age 28 – is an excellent dancer, writer, podcaster and a mandala artist. She is talented young woman, a go getter and wouldn’t bat an eyelid if she had to try anything new. She would go head on with it. Everyone knew Vasudha as this cheerful and pretty young lady.

Except when marriage changed everything she knew. Since she was always outdoors, whether for office or for travelling for her dance shows, Vasudha didn’t know how to cook well.

Nobody was interested in what she knew…

Going by her in-laws definition of cooking – she had to know how to cook any dishes they mentioned. Till then Vasudha didn’t know that learning to cook was similar to getting an educational qualification. As soon as she entered the household after her engagement, nobody was interested what she excelled at, everybody wanted to know – what dishes she knew how to cook.

This was just the beginning of the marriage, later on – if something was left unorganized she would be given taunting remarks, such as – “A home maker’s duty is to keep her house clean – what will the guests think?” “Look at all the stuff lying here on the sofa.” or “Vasudha where is the comb that was kept here on the dressing table? You never keep anything in place!”, her husband would be heard saying from the bedroom.

And when she enters the bedroom, she sees her husband’s towel lying on the bed, his underwear thrown about in their bathroom. She rolls her eyes, sighs and picks it up to put in the laundry bag. With a sinking heart – she breaks down in the bathroom. Only the walls know the agony she goes through every day.

Ghar ghar ki kahani?

Not only Vasudha, but there are many women out there who face the same situation every day. Our mothers would tell us that our in-laws will say –  “Maa ne kuch seekha ke nahin bheja hain!” This still rings true.

Even if you speak up and say that cooking is not the only thing that women do, you get to hear stories like, “We had started cooking and looking after the house at the age of eight”, “We had to put on a long veil and then work”, “We struggled so much,” etc.

Every woman has struggled in her life, to get where she is today – be it the mother-in-laws who couldn’t utter a word in those days – huge respect to what they had to face in those times.

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But no matter how much you get into the fact that women have progressed so much, probably there are not many who would want to encourage that side of hers. It is always – “okay you are good in education, then you should be smart in managing the household.” Probably we need a course or a degree in how to manage a home for upcoming housewives.

Step into any get-togethers or parties or a visit to a relatives place have people gossiping on which daughter-in-law is good at what. “That one, doesn’t know a thing”, “She is blessed with a dutiful one”, overpowering that wave of confidence so much that you suddenly start shrinking.

It feels as though marriage is a one way ticket to losing self esteem

This is how a woman loses her self worth and  self respect. And her confidence too.

It’s so easy to bring her down from Level 10 to Level 1, because there is no one around to encourage her or guide her, let alone to tell her it’s okay if she isn’t equipped with such knowledge. That to be a good human being, she doesn’t need to be a good homemaker or a good daughter-in-law. She doesn’t break initially, but imagine if you kept hammering a nail through the wall, you would start seeing the cracks soon.

When we talk about equality, the same should be exercised at home as well. Teaching kids to cooperate or to help their mother, especially younger boys if they are willing to help in the kitchen should not be looked upon as something shameful.

Sons helping their mother is something which should be inculcated right at a younger age. And when they grow older, they would understand the importance of sharing the household work.

Image source: YouTube/ The Perfect Match

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