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Indian girls and women aren't "allowed" the luxury of being an introvert and needing alone time... for aren't they supposed to be doing things for others all the time?
I think at some point of time every introvert has gone through something similar… to what I have.
Let me begin my story.
Being born in a middle-class family and that too a second girl child
is not something any parents in India dream of
but still they accept it as a fate of life.
Same is the case with me.
Although I can consider myself lucky enough
that they provided me with best education and lifestyle that they could.
But as I say, I’m an INTROVERT, that too an emotional one…
From the time I remember
I have always been a free bird,
or can I say that I
have become so since I have a younger brother in my family.
As far as I remember, I have
done every bit of everything myself
because of my being introverted… or maybe I had no choice:
from going to school at the age of 4 alone
to riding my first bicycle without any help
and much more till now.
But deep inside
I always long for something that I can’t express.
I know my parents’ financial condition so I always said
that I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, or need new clothes
as I wanted to help them in some or the other way without telling them
and I always used to succeed.
Days passed
and growing up an independent woman,
who smiled and laughed as I heard
or read somewhere before that people will not judge you as an introvert
if you smile always…
and it actually works.
But I always felt there should be someone from my family
with whom I can share anything
without any hesitation
and frankly speaking I want the same from my mother and sister.
But mon never had time for me, and my elder sister is
always into herself.
So in many ways I become her elder one…
but as every child need a shelter somewhere, I went to my father.
I started helping him
in his daily chores.
I became a bit close to him
but deep inside still
I keep my aspirations, my wishes into myself.
Keeping it short, the thing I can’t cope up with is MARRIAGE!
It all started when
I entered the “age for getting married”
and my parents put my profile on matrimonial sites.
Thank you COVID, there weren’t many “good” matches,
but I was happy…
because I seriously don’t want to get married.
There’s a fear I don’t understand
and to add to this –
the one marriage that happened in my family
scared me
blocked “marriage” from my mind.
I had to, I know
the family had decided
but no one asked me how I feel…
But I guess no one ever has time for me
or can I say – no one understands me?
Being an introvert, I can’t express my feelings too…
and I went through an anxiety attack
difficult for our parent’s generation to understand.
Because in their generation, shaadi is non-negotiable
whether you are prepared for it or not
you have to
it’s the only thing this society wants…
And that too for a girl? It is the necessity.
Earlier they were changing… as per their children’s needs
at some point even standing up against with others for their irrational views
but now, well, I wish we had never come to this place.
I know they won’t understand ever
what I went through, the pressure I felt
that led me to take such a drastic step
that also hurt a kind soul who was ready to help me.
These things take time to recover,
and as always I need some alone time
to figure out my life.
I wonder… if I had taken this step few months ago
would the situation have been different?
Maybe I might be marrying that kind person
with happiness.
Right now, my life is drenched in feelings I can’t express
but I “must listen to everyone”
including the ones whose every word just break my heart,
the reason I write this whole story
today.
I know it’s difficult
but I don’t want to take any decision in such state of mind.
Feeling extremely sad today.
Image source: MAA – Short Film/Ondraga Originals, YouTube
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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