Dear Woman! Are you Becoming Somebody Else? Stop!

A woman is caring. A woman is sensitive. A woman is emotional. A woman nurtures. A woman always thinks of making things better. When this goes on for a long time, she naturally begins to become the person that those around her want her to be.

A woman is caring. A woman is sensitive. A woman is emotional. A woman nurtures. A woman always thinks of making things better. When this goes on for a long time, she naturally begins to become the person that those around her want her to be.

She is just naturally good at comforting, being emotionally available, and is there to listen.

Take it! The sense of improvising seems to be kind of so natural to women.

I am sure a lot of guys are not going to agree with all the above statements. I also don’t find being consistent regarding the statements.

Since a woman wants to make things better, she feels confident that she is really good at it. But things take a sharp turn when she is “told” to do something which supposedly is for the better and she must do it.

In the beginning, it all seems fancy to her and she feels obligated to do all the stuff in the way she is told because, you know, from the inside she has the temperament of learning and making things better.

So many times she starts believing what others are telling her to do, which is sure, for the better! When this goes on and on for a long period of time,  naturally she starts becoming the way people around her want her to be.

She is a Rebel, a free bird who is currently befuddled and unable to fly efficiently.

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Now when this goes on for a long period of time, there comes a point where she encounters a conflict with who she really is and she feels she is out of touch with individuality. Now the real struggle starts.

 On one end she has become more of the person which her surroundings, her close ones have wanted her to be and on the other end she is a Rebel, a free bird who is confused at the moment and finds herself unable to really fly. She feels she is trapped in her own self and there seems no way out of it. She gets very much confused between who she is, what she really wants, and what she should be.

There is a lot of drama going on in her head regarding the confusion about missing identity and individuality she is facing. For the sake of love, for the sake of betterment, this whole process began and now she finds herself always trying to improvise and eventually aligned with all others save herself!

Whenever any conflict happens within, she is unable to find a way out of it and many times starts believing that probably there is no way out of it. She starts believing this is the norm. This is how it has always been and this is how it is going to be with her and for the icing on the top, she gets full support of the societal belief that “Oh yes! Woman! 

Your life is going to be wonderful if you follow the rules. You know you are designed to take it. So better, take it, accept it, and whenever you feel like struggling with your mind, simply ignore it. These are just a few distractions. Your journey is designed to be tough but it is for the better.”

And when she starts going with the flow, accepting whatever comes, maintains her way of ignoring her own thoughts and feelings in a particular situation, she is just bound to feel irritated, annoyed, and frustrated from within. When this happens, many women simply surrender. 

She stops fighting with themselves, wears the mask all the time.. she has two modes: one, where she is tired, and the other, where she is perfect! When this goes on for quite a time, she just becomes the Others.

She becomes the mascot of an ideal woman. This deep unaddressed anxiety is real, her conscience knows it but Viola! She doesn’t acknowledge it.

Charged with “not serving” by being the woman a society needs!

Some women don’t absolutely surrender and they recognize their freedom, their own selves. These women fight for their thoughts. These women, you may call them of obstinate nature, and then, guess what happens, such women are also heavily judged for not being able to hold their emotions and keep their family environment peaceful! She is now charged with “not serving” by being the woman a society needs, a thriving happy world needs.

This again generates anxiety inside her because she knows she is an emotional being but unable to compromise with her freedom, unable to let go of her own real self. So she may go Blunt, she may plainly leave the thing where she is not comfortable.

 She may be a lot annoying to others but she decides for herself! She goes with her decision of being herself and then another struggle starts of staying happy irrespective of whatever judgments are being thrown upon her.

 In order to stay strong with who she is, sometimes, such women go far beyond who they are emotionally and here again, become something which they are not. The whole journey started with being herself but now she knows she cannot afford to be the exact self and feel hurtful.

Deep unaddressed anxiety is real!

This deep unaddressed anxiety is real, her conscience knows it but Viola she doesn’t acknowledge it.

The real challenge with the woman is to not become others. They are just so naturally aligning types!

In the first place, It’s really difficult for them to acknowledge their own freedom, their own self, their own individuality. Once they acknowledge it, it’s difficult for them to stand for it, to fight for it. It is pretty exhausting for them. Once they fought for themselves, it again is difficult for them to stay happy, stay peaceful amidst the societal judgments and self-doubts.

What’s important here is to understand that she must not lose the track of being who she is and preferably, this whole process of developing herself emotionally should not involve creating a wall of self-defense.

I feel it is fooling of herself to create a wall so that she just doesn’t get hurt and become the ” I don’t give a f***”  kind of person. This is only making her more of who she is NOT!

It’s really important to feel good, to feel bad, to feel happy, to feel sad, to let her emotions flow through the channel she is designed from inside. Then once the wave of emotions is calm, seek answers from the Self, gain clarity about the particular situation and act accordingly which best suits her heart. Did she start all this by the fight for Self-right?


If you relate to it, remember, that you fought up for yourself, for your happiness, for your freedom of making your own choices, and just be yourself.

So better fight with your emotions too, struggle to understand yourself too, configure how you feel naturally happy and better if something really hurtful happens to you, prepare yourself by accepting your own emotions and then ruling over them. 

There’s no need to force yourself into a “don’t give a fuck” mindset in order to accomplish what you think is staying tranquil. When you can understand your emotions and feelings, you can accept and embrace them, allowing them to flow freely. 

Once you accept that you are hurt or annoyed, and you understand why, you can begin to learn how to manage them, how to handle them and be “responsive” rather than “reactive,” how to truly grow from within and eventually Be your true Happy Self. And that’s how you keep the peace.

Viola! Let your conscience understand this and you, better acknowledge it.

Image Source: Belonogova from Pexels

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About the Author

Tanu Shree

A civil engineer by profession, I am immensely fond of writing. Since childhood,I have been writing about life incidences, my thoughts and opinions. Now, I write about varied range of topics which interest me. read more...

3 Posts | 13,088 Views

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