The Heartbreaking Moment I Realised My Feminist Father Had Also Internalised Patriarchy

At that moment, I realized that my father is as fallible as any other human being and a victim of internalized patriarchy, and even he has a few things that he needs to work on and evolve.

My father has always been a feminist, never differentiating between my brother and me. He has never curbed my freedom, though at times I probably deserved getting grounded. He has always had confidence in me and has come to my defense many a time.

So when this happened, it shook me to my very core, and it took a lot of time for me to accept that it was okay. He will evolve. And it’s my job to help him.

By this incident, I discovered a different impact of patriarchy. My dad said, “at the end of the day, it’s the son’s responsibility to take care of his parents, not the daughter’s. Daughter’s responsibility is circumstantial”.

I don’t think anything has ever broken me to a level that this statement did.

So the new age parents do everything for their girl child but do not expect anything in return. There are no expectations.

And this may seem a sign of love, and for them, it is love. But this thought originates from the belief that after marriage, the daughter is a part of her husband’s household. That the daughter’s responsibility will then only be towards her husband’s parents, not towards her own parents.

When the husband and wife are both working, the woman is financially independent. How is it that it’s not her responsibility to take care of her parents? Why isn’t it expected out of the daughters? Why is the responsibility prima facie on the sons?

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Image source: a still from the film Gunjan Saxena

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