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Why do women need to sacrifice to be loved? Only women who have faced abuse silently are considered worthy in our society.
We must have heard from our relatives and people from our older generation that a good woman or a good wife is the one who knows how to ‘adjust’.
We also must have come across conversations where patriarchs have often said things like “to maintain a good relationship, a woman must adjust” or “till the time things don’t go worse a woman should learn to adjust and shouldn’t go for judicial recourse.”
These casual patriarchal phrases raise many important questions: do women need to face the worse to get justice? Do women need to tolerate abuse from their partners till the time abuse doesn’t go extremely physical or sexual in nature? Do only women need to give up on their dreams and just look after their families?
Patriarchy apologists, of course, do praise some women in our society. These are only those women who unwillingly or willingly give up on their dreams and career in order to maintain a ‘happy’ family or women who stay with their cruel in laws. This proves that the more a woman sacrifices or the more a woman tolerates abuse, the more she is loved and the more she is considered as an ‘ideal woman’.
But the moment a woman stands up for herself, the moment she focuses on her dreams and career instead of caring about maintaining a family, the moment she stops adjusting, the same patriarchy apologists start slut shaming her, or even just shaming her for her choices.
In this case, she becomes a ‘bad example’ for all other women, just for standing up for her simple basic rights.
This also reminds us about how society has taught us that a mother only becomes ‘a true mother’ when she is sacrificial.
In India, people question a mother’s ‘motherhood’ even if she chooses to wear a western outfit. Do women now even have to sacrifice on their preferred clothes? Women wearing western clothes are seen ‘incapable’ of raising a child? How does a simple piece of fabric decide a woman’s worth?
Mothers are also judged by our patriarchal world for being in a particular profession, for example, those engaged in beauty and wellness, or into travelling. How does a mother’s profession makes her ‘less of a mother’?
It’s high time we stop romanticising women who suffer because of internalized patriarchy. The only thing our patriarchal society has to understand is that a woman’s personal choices are her own fundamental rights, and she can exercise them as and when she wants.
Image source: a still from Prega News ad/ YouTube
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Does Ranbir Kapoor expressing his preferences about Alia using lipstick really make him a toxic husband?
Sometime back, a video of Alia Bhatt with Vogue went viral where she shares her go-to make-up routine and her unique way to apply lipstick. It went viral not for the quirkiness but because she said that after applying the lipstick, she “rubs it off” because her then boyfriend and now husband – Ranbir Kapoor likes her natural lip colour and asks her to “wipe it off”, whenever they are out on a date night.
Netizens had gone crazy over this video, calling RK toxic and not respecting AB’s choice to wear makeup. I saw the video a couple of times to understand the reason behind the uproar but I failed to understand it. I read many comments and saw people saying that asking your partner or dictating terms on how they should wear makeup is a major sign to leave the person.
Modesty or humility is viewed as the hallmark of a well-brought-up girl, which makes it hard for us to be open to any real compliments without feeling like an imposter.
Why is accepting that compliment so hard?
Colleagues: Have you lost weight? You look good!
She (who has spent months doing Keto and weights): It’s the dress that’s making me look thinner!
Guests: Your house is so beautiful and neat!
She (who spent the last five hours mopping and polishing): It could be tidier; there is just so much dust.
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