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I had fallen in with people who controlled me, and lost my self confidence. But I have since come out of that spell, and am telling you to stand up for yourself.
Growing up in an environment where women are treated as inferior and expected to do only the things which they are told to, I’ve developed an inbuilt instinct to oppose this, right from childhood.
I hate people who want women to be in their control. These people include not only men but some women too! I have very strong opinions, and I don’t hesitate to express them to the world. My opinions might be wrong but there is nothing wrong in expressing them, is what I believe.
My mom has always said, that just like when you learn to walk, you fall, and get up again, there is nothing wrong in making mistakes if you have the guts to get up and fight again.
So I believe that you shouldn’t be controlled by other’s opinions. Little did I know, that this is exactly what would happen to me some day – being controlled by people!
Is it really necessary for a girl to be ‘sweet and perfectly dressed’ everytime?
I do have a ‘poor’ dressing sense in the sense that I prefer comfort over fashion. I would love to wander about in pyjamas instead of a pair of jeans and a top. When people judged me, I wasn’t affected at first, but eventually I started thinking like them. I tried to dress well, but the pleasure it gave me was only temporary, as things didn’t stop here.
Whenever I tried to do something or express something, some didn’t like it, and some pretended to like it, and this made me feel as though I’m good for nothing! I began to judge myself, and withdrew into myself. I didn’t like this. I could feel I’m not this kind of person. I felt like I was tied with a rope of expectations, which didn’t help me to grow. I didn’t love myself.
This continued for 3 years, and I ended up being a dull person who would just eat, sleep, do some studies and repeat!
Then lockdown was announced, and before that I was already home, and I was going to have my mom with me 24/7.
I really felt relaxed for some months as there was no one to judge me. I could do anything and everything I wanted. I felt like a free bird, and this healed me. Slowly I got confident. I started trying different things. Some trials failed and some succeeded. I started creating content on social media, which showed a good growth.
I’m working for Ayurveda awareness for common people as I’m an Ayurvedic scholar, and people are loving it! I did some things which were in my bucket list and it gave so much of joy! I made some new friends. I got connected to different people. I have got the old me, the real me back. I’m loving myself now. I know I can do good in my life and my career.
I know, that with this newfound ‘ME’, I may lose some people who liked the ‘controlled me’ but I really don’t want to go into that zone again. Yet I sometimes wonder – would my friends laugh at my opinions?
I’ve learnt one thing, though – I know I’ll overcome this too, and now I’ll never let someone control me. This was a biggest lesson to me.
So I only want to tell all the girls out there, do what you want to, wear what you love to. Don’t get controlled by the world. It will only stunt your growth. And it is never too late; no matter how old you are, you can still find your way. Opportunities will come and go; you need to find them. Love yourself first, people will eventually love you!
This might not be a sentimental story but many women will definitely relate to it!
Image source: a still from Kabir Singh
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Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
You do not have to be perfect. There’s no perfect daughter, perfect employee, perfect wife, or perfect mother. These are just labels created by society, for their convenience.
So here you are, just out of engineering college, having no clue why you pursued Electronics Engineering. Yes, I know, like many others your age, you too were persuaded by your parents to opt for engineering because it supposedly gets you a lucrative job.
Believe me, however strange this might sound, you’ll soon come to realize that a high paying job need not always make you happy. And there are a myriad courses and career options out there, you should definitely consider something that’ll make you look forward to go to work every day.