Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Have you ever wondered what the point of arranged marriages is? Every proposal and ritual is incredibly patriarchal!
I’ve seen girls who are ‘overweight’ asked to ‘lose weight’ and the ones who are ‘slim’ are told to ‘gain weight,’ for their marriage proposal to be successful. Listening to all this advice, the girls start a diet programme which is aimed at catching the eyes of a boy.
Have you ever wondered what this system is implying to us? Maybe it’s trying to tell us that physical beauty is more important and attractive than inner beauty. I believe inner beauty is difficult for people to perceive since they are busy looking into the business of other people.
On the one hand, our society teaches us to look at the hearts of the people. But on the other, it does something that is way more hypocritical and disgusting.
And the funniest part in all of this is that boys don’t usually have to waste their time on dieting or weight loss or gain. Why? Simply because they can ‘get’ the girls very easily. What are we, then? Fish? Or hens?
However, it doesn’t end here. What is the logic behind arranged marriages? A boy and his family come and see a girl who is made to stand like a statue in a museum. Meanwhile her relatives, the so-called ‘karnoomaar’ discuss matters where she has no say, other than to give consent. Well, in some cases, the girl’s consent isn’t even considered.
The boy gets to go and visit the girl’s house, a place where he won’t even be living. But the girl who will be moving to the boy’s house doesn’t do so. Instead, her relatives visit and make sure that the house is fit for the girl. Now tell me, who’s going to live where?
In most arranged marriages, whether the man and woman like each other or feel they are suitable for each other matters less than the ‘matching’ of their physical features. Their match is confirmed only after the height, weight, colour, hair and other physical attributes are looked at with a lot of care. Only if all these match, are they called a ‘perfect match.’
Then comes the marriage where men are served food first and women second. Why? Because ‘chettaayimaarkk nalla vishappindavum, avaralle nammale nokkunne. Numma pennungal ellam sahikkanam.’ (Men may be hungry and they are our caretakers. As women, we are supposed to put up with things.)
If the couple can’t stand each other after their marriage, they are asked to tolerate things for the sake of their children. Especially the women, they are constantly asked to sacrifice their lives and dreams, which isn’t really necessary in the first place. Thus, divorce rates are low in our country. Our adults are busy having children rather than getting therapy for their issues.
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Ghum Hain Kisikey Pyaar Mein
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
The Railway Men. Mili. Cuttputli. The Diplomat. Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. And more…
Let me introduce to you the talented designer duo who have worked on these, and can be considered today’s upcoming costume designers for the screen. Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh.
Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
Please enter your email address