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Women are expected to move to the husband's house and endure all kinds of cruel behaviour but why is it toxic if a man has to do it?
Women are expected to move to the husband’s house and endure all kinds of cruel behaviour but why is it toxic if a man has to do it?
He was married to a well-educated woman who had a PhD in mathematics while he also had a PhD in astrophysics from Europe. They fell in love and their common interests of academia, travelling, and reading bonded them together. Thus, they decided to be together, thinking nothing else mattered since they were so in love.
But he didn’t quite realise that none of his academic qualifications or the love he had for his wife mattered. Neither did his life experiences of having lost his mom, living in several countries in Europe or the struggles he went through for his PhD matter as much. Especially to his immediate relatives or his wife’s parents.
For all of them, his ultimate duty in life was to raise his children, quit his job, follow his wife to her parent’s place and take care of his in-laws. According to them, if he did all this will he be a ‘good person’ and serve his ‘true purpose in life.’
It was outrageous that being a man and having a PhD, he was asked to leave everything and stay home and take care of his in-laws. He was expected to seek permission from his in-laws to stay for a few days with his father who had lost his wife a year ago.
The worst thing, however, was that he was forced to wear a gold chain symbolising his marital status and that he belonged to this family. This was the part that he hated the most, he was forced to wear the chain against his wishes. His in-laws often complained to his widowed father that he hadn’t visited any of their relatives and that he was a very bad son-in-law.
When his father wanted to gift the couple a bike to travel around, his father-in-law ordered his wife not to accept the gift. Meanwhile, when his FIL gave them both monetary gifts he had to accept them against his will. His wife said if he didn’t accept the gifts, her father would be extremely hurt. But it was completely okay that his father’s feelings got hurt!
He lost his mother while he was doing his PhD and though he got depressed during this time, overcame all his struggles and still managed to finish his PhD. But none of this mattered, as soon as he came back after his PhD, he was asked to sit down for a meeting. Here, his in-laws told him what was expected of him. That they were extremely disappointed in him as he wasn’t staying at their house since his wedding. He was barely congratulated on his PhD.
Does any of this sound toxic to you? Now, just reverse the gender and read the same thing. Does it sound normal that women are expected to do all this because it’s their ‘duty?’ Why? Simply because she loved a boy who doesn’t even stand up for her and ask his parents to stop torturing her? Should she continue living in such a toxic environment? Actually, should anyone?
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Ki&Ka
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Chetan Bhagat had no business slut shaming Uorfi Javed or any other woman. If he wants to 'guide' young men in the 'right direction' then he should take accountability for his words.
Chetan Bhagat, one of India’s bestselling authors, thought it was an ingenious idea to slut-shame Uorfi Javed, an Indian actress and influencer, at the Sahitya Aaj Tak literature festival.
“Phone has been a great distraction for the youth, especially the boys, spending hours just watching Instagram Reels. Everyone knows who Uorfi Javed is. What will you do with her photos? Is it coming in your exams or you will go for a job interview and tell the interviewer that you know all her outfits? On one side, there is a youth who is protecting our nation at Kargil and on another side, we have another youth who is seeing Uorfi Javed’s photos hiding in their blankets.”
Uorfi Javed responded with a video on her Instagram stories calling out Bhagat’s bluff. She shared the screenshots of his previous chat conversations with Ira Trivedi, author and yoga instructor, which came to light during the #MeToo movement.
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
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