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It isn't easy for Indian parents to let go of their children, especially if they are single parents who want to do the best. An adult daughter writes.
It isn’t easy for Indian parents to let go of their children, especially if they are single parents who want to do the best. An adult daughter writes.
In Indian society, an overbearing boundary-less mother is considered someone who loves you too much and wants what’s best for you, but is it true? When do you think our society will accept that our parents have toxic patterns imbibed in them which affects children in the long run?
I was one of those fortunate children who was brought up with love by a single mother after the demise of my father.
My mother decided to not remarry, and concentrated on her career and my upbringing. Little did she know that her complex combination of fear and strength would get intertwined and transferred into my being, causing me to feel emotionally claustrophobic.
My mother planned everything for me. Even before I could gather my thoughts on what I needed in life, situations were planned and executed on my behalf.
Her agenda was simple. My daughter should have a life that I missed out on. A good education, secure and growing income but most importantly a marital life.
Do not get me wrong, these wishes that I have listed are part of every parents dream for their daughter.
But just as I hit my 30s I got held up at home due to COVID. I have started to recognise my mother’s patterns of dominance and narcissism, but most importantly the fear of ‘what if’. What if my daughter ends up alone like me? What if my daughter decides to be alone like me?
Parents trying to live their dreams through their children need to stop imposing their ideology onto their child. You still have the chance to live your dreams, only if you do not live your entire life around your child and what society thinks. Trust me, nobody cares.
Although such fear comes from a genuine past experience, I strongly believe is it not okay to impose those fears, knowingly or unknowingly, into a child who is now a grown adult and who can decide for herself.
Thoughts?
Image source: A still from the Hindi short film Methi ke Laddoo
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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