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My Mother Loves Me… But Living Alone In Lockdown With Her Meddling Is Suffocating

Posted: October 6, 2020

It isn’t easy for Indian parents to let go of their children, especially if they are single parents who want to do the best. An adult daughter writes.

In Indian society, an overbearing boundary-less mother is considered someone who loves you too much and wants what’s best for you, but is it true? When do you think our society will accept that our parents have toxic patterns imbibed in them which affects children in the long run?

I was one of those fortunate children who was brought up with love by a single mother after the demise of my father.

Raised by a single mother

My mother decided to not remarry, and concentrated on her career and my upbringing. Little did she know that her complex combination of fear and strength would get intertwined and transferred into my being, causing me to feel emotionally claustrophobic.

My mother planned everything for me. Even before I could gather my thoughts on what I needed in life, situations were planned and executed on my behalf.

Her agenda was simple. My daughter should have a life that I missed out on. A good education, secure and growing income but most importantly a marital life.

She means well, but…

Do not get me wrong, these wishes that I have listed are part of every parents dream for their daughter.

But just as I hit my 30s I got held up at home due to COVID. I have started to recognise my mother’s patterns of dominance and narcissism, but most importantly the fear of ‘what if’. What if my daughter ends up alone like me? What if my daughter decides to be alone like me? 

Parents trying to live their dreams through their children need to stop imposing their ideology onto their child. You still have the chance to live your dreams, only if you do not live your entire life around your child and what society thinks. Trust me, nobody cares.

Although such fear comes from a genuine past experience, I strongly believe is it not okay to impose those fears, knowingly or unknowingly, into a child who is now a grown adult and who can decide for herself.

Thoughts?

Image source: A still from the Hindi short film Methi ke Laddoo

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