If you are a professional in an emerging industry, like gaming, data science, cloud computing, digital marketing etc., that has promising career opportunities, this is your chance to be featured in #CareerKiPaathshaala. Fill up this form today!
Why do people cringe from us? They do not want to be in our presence. Why do they shy away from us as if we are a communicable or a contagious illness?
Why do people cringe from us? They do not want to be in our presence. Why do they shy away from us as if we are a communicable or worse a contagious illness?
The auditorium was packed.
And The National symposium for LGBT awareness was well under way. A week-long program, it celebrated the spirit of the LGBT community.
The schedule had meetings to raise awareness, generate employment opportunities for the community, symposiums, and cultural events. Today was the day ear-marked for ‘Community Voices.’ It was a session devoted exclusively to hearing stories of the oppressed and the community warriors.
I sat in the audience, in the section marked ‘Press’ to attend and cover the last talk of the day.
A lady walked up to the lectern. Clad in a sober saree, draped on her tall, lissom frame, she cut an elegant figure. Her hair was braided and neatly coiled in a loose knot at the nape of her neck.
The murmurs that had stirred up before the talk, stilled. Expectant faces turned to look at her as she clutched the pallu of her saree and draped it over her shoulders in a gesture of modesty.
She disengaged the microphone from its stand, held it in both hands and walked to stand at the edge of the stage, out in the front. Her confident demeanour, the smile flirting at her lips, all, belied the flux of nervous emotions she must have felt. But, she held them at bay.
Holding her head high, she scanned the crowd one last time, cleared her throat and began.
Thank you for this opportunity. It means a lot to be given time to recount my story and that of my community.
Many of you may be wondering who I am. And many may wonder why I am on this stage. Or even why I have been handed the microphone to share my story. So, let me address those questions first. To the world in general, the world outside the LGBT community – I am nobody! And, nobody means – nobody! Because they would rather that I or my ilk did not exist.
To them, I am neither a man nor a woman. To them, I am some weird experiment by nature or may be a mistake in God’s plan. You see, to them, I am a chhakka, a hijra or as they say in English a eunuch. Someone not to be associated with. But, let me tell you, I am not just a nomenclature and I am definitely not God’s mistake.
So then, who am I?
My name is Durga. I am a transgender woman. But, before that I am a human being. I stand before you today as the voice of my community, to bring you our story.’
A hush fell over the audience as Durga stopped to catch her breath.
The reporter from ‘The Times,’ sitting beside me, sat up straighter. Another in front brought out his notepad and poised his pen. A woman, sitting in front of the press section, tapped her phone to check the recording mode. The congregation stirred into action at the mention of a story.
‘Today, this gathering has people from various strata of the LGBT community. We have lesbians, gays and bisexuals among us. I salute you my brethren. You have fought for your place in the world and have carved out space. Your journey has not been easy. If anything, it has been beset with roadblocks at every step and turn. And yet, you prevailed. You overcame and emerged triumphant.
How do we, the transgender community know this?
Well, we know because you no longer have to hide in the shadows. You do not have to remain closeted anymore. And you have what my community has dreamed of but never received – acceptance!
Societal mindsets are changing. Thanks to a few brave voices in your community, even the demure ones have found expression. So, in the present, you can be open about your relationship.
In some western countries, you are allowed to wed, adopt children and have a happy family life. Most among you are gainfully employed and in fact, people from your community are famous designers, artists, office holders and leaders. You are a part of the society, an accepted part.
But, we…. we are nowhere because you are now considered what we so far have not been – normal!’
As her words sank in, a few muted murmurs started up. Her words had stirred up the hornet’s nest. I found myself reflecting on the many times that I had encountered transgender people. They were mostly begging for alms at traffic junctions in the city and once or twice in the red light district when I had gone to cover a story. Apart from that, I could not really remember seeing them in shopping in malls, going to the multiplexes or even eating at restaurants.
Did that mean that what Durga said was correct? Was her community still that shunned? Were they the outcasts in a sea of accepted societal outcasts?
Even as I sat and pondered on these revelatory thoughts, Durga continued speaking.
‘Our story is very different from yours.
We are treated as blights. Society does not want to associate with us. It does not openly acknowledge us. We can neither find gainful employment nor means of permanent sustainability. There are no jobs for us, no opportunities. And, a large part of it is due to the misconception that people do not know whether to classify us as ‘male’ or ‘female.’ They don’t know whether to call us ‘he’ or ‘she.’
I ask you, is it so difficult to make out? Really, is our attire not a clue? Is it so difficult to walk up to us and ask us how we would like to be addressed? It is not difficult at all. We do not bite. Neither will we eat you alive. But, still people cringe from us. They do not want to be in our presence. And they shy away from us as if we were a communicable or worse yet contagious illness.
I ask you – why?
Why are we treated like this? Are we not human beings? Did we not come out of a woman’s womb? Is it our fault that we were created like this? Trust me, none of us asked for this body. It was given to us. And it was given to us by God. Yes, the same God that created you and others. So, why is it that the perception the world has of you is so very different from the perception that they have of us? Are we to blame? Or, is society to blame?
I ask you – who is abnormal, we or the society?’
As I heard the last statement, I cringed.
What Durga said was what I too, like many others had inadvertently been guilty of. I had behaved abnormally. It was true that I shied away from transgenders when they accosted me in a rickshaw at traffic junctions. I slunk as far away from them as possible, choosing to focus on some object in the distance and completely ignore the fact that they were speaking to me. Why?
I looked around as the sea of faces in the auditorium. Was it shame that I discerned on some faces, maybe a twinge of remorse? Or, was that just my guilt prickling at my conscience?
Is being different such a crime? And is that what gets one ostracised from society? Does being human not count at all? I wondered and my mind swamped with the flurry of such questions, I lost the thread of the talk till my thoughts were rudely interrupted by Durga’s jarring words.
‘Believe it or not but society thinks that we are born for two things only – begging and sex!
When a child is born in the ‘so called normal community,’ we are called to bless the child. We are invited for weddings to bless the happy couple or when the new daughter in law enters the house for the first time. Now, don’t be confused by the invitation part here. We are invited to it but not invited in it! When we are there, we are not allowed to cross the threshold of their homes. We are only asked to shower blessings and then walk away with our ‘shagun’ money.
I ask you, is it so troublesome to offer us a glass of water or serve us some food? Why invite us and then treat us like that? Are we untouchable?
And, on that count let me tell you about the other profession that people think we are born for – sex!
You see, apparently we are a rarity in the sex trade. Men and women alike find us exotic because we embody parts of both the genders. Prostitution is the only profession that does not judge us. And, laugh all you want but the truth is that we get pimped out to the sarkaari babu’s and MLA’s more often than to others.
Hah! These so called saviours of society, they use us. In the name of sex, we are raped, sodomised and we are abused in more ways than I can recount on stage. We are paid a pittance. And are hired for a night by one individual but it is a group that more often than not partakes in the carnal pleasures. So, our abuse is not at the hands of one individual, it is at the hands of many. Our victimisation is at the hands of groups also.
But, we cannot complain, can we?
Who will hear us? Where do we even lodge this complaint? Even if we tried, we would be shooed away because apparently, sex is the only profession that we are made for. That is a badge, a classification that society has given us. Times may have changed friends, if I may call you friends, but, the classification remains. It is seared into our souls by the psychology of the ‘normal.’
So, even today we continue to be what we were generations back – unaccepted!’
At the last part Durga’s voice cracked.
She stopped speaking drew a ragged breath. I could make out that she was struggling to rein in her emotions which threatened to spill out of her eyes. Perhaps, speaking about the exploitation of her community brought instances of psychological and emotional hurt to fore that she had willed herself to hide.
I understood then that being a transgender meant keeping your emotions in check at all times. It meant, not exhibiting them because even if someone saw, they would neither offer a shoulder nor a kerchief.
Durga walked back to the lectern and took a few sips of water. Then, dabbing her eyes with the corner of her pallu, she walked back out and continued.
‘When I look at you people, my brethren from the LGBT community, I see hope.
You may think that I envy or worse still, hate you. But, no, I do not. And, the reason is that if the winds of change can blow in your favour, then with your and the society’s support, they can blow in our favour too.
Today, the world accepts the LGB community. The ‘T’, the community that we are, still awaits this acceptance. But, with support, I feel that the time is not far when perception about us will change. Together we can make that change. Dare I hope?
But, this will not happen overnight or even anytime soon. I know that it will take time – years or maybe a decade. But, for this to happen we, transgenders have to change the way we also think about ourselves. We cannot call ourselves victims. Not anymore. We are warriors!
My friends, the tattered beliefs of society need to be sewn together. It’s torn, thinning fabric needs to be patched up and reinforced.
I implore you all, more than sympathy, give us sensitivity. People, the society, even our brethren need to be sensitised to the fact that we are human too. We feel and we hurt just the same as others. Together we need to understand that we need to shed the shackles of past perceptions and approach tomorrow with renewed insight.
I beseech not just the LGB community, but the people as a whole. Please, include us in the framework of society. Let us carve a space for ourselves too, that is equal to the footing that you stand at. And let us exist in harmony with you. If you support, then this change can happen. And of you accept, we will gain a modicum of acceptance.
Because, we may be created different but underneath we are all the same – human! Question is – will you support us? Will you accept us?
I leave you with these questions for I do not have the answers. It is only you who can answer them. And it is only you who can delve deep and introspect because, before the acceptance comes to us, it has to be accepted by you.
Durga bowed and walked off the stage.
A silence hung over the audience like a pall. In that moment, in the asphyxiated air of my so called freedom, I felt suffocated. Durga’s talk made me feel like an outsider who had been given a sneak preview of an Oscar worthy film that left me with more questions than answers.
I looked around. There were similar questions on many faces. A few eyes were moist too. Durga’s talk had touched a chord. I was enlightened, as were many others, judging by their expressions.
Would there be a change in attitude then? Could Durga’s hope for her community translate into a reality?
I rolled my shoulders back as I gathered up my stuff and stood up to leave. I could not speak for the others but I knew that she had managed to change my perceptions
Author’s note – The events and characters in this story are fictitious. However, the message from the transgender community is not. It is the result of a talk given by a transgender at an MNC in South India. I am not at liberty to name either the transgender or the MNC but I do hope that I have been able to effectively communicate her message to the readers.
A version of this was earlier published here.
Picture credits: YouTube
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
Sonal is a multiple award winning blogger and writer and the founder of a women-centric manpower search firm - www.rianplacements.com.
Her first book, a volume of poetry - Islands in the stream - is slated read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).