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A traditional lack of boundaries between Indian parents and their sons can seriously mess up things for the son, the parents, and the new daughter in law.
I have been married for more than 6 months now and I still cannot wrap my head around that fact.
In a situation like this it gets hard to comprehend the intensity of the so-called ”marital adjustments” I am supposed to make. What makes this even worse is not just adjusting to my husband, but also his hundred other close relatives.
Considering that my husband does not live with his parents and these relatives, I was in for a major shock when I realized how much he was dependent on them.
When it comes to Indian parents, there is always a lack of boundaries and the problem of being too involved in their child’s lives. By now, that is something most kids are accustomed to. But, the peace between the child and the parents will develop only after the parents start trusting the child to make their own decisions.
A couple of months into my marriage, I realized that the umbilical cord was never cut off in my husband’s case. It had become so overused and violated that it was diseased and needed to be cut off for him to have a better relationship with his parents.
But unfortunately, neither of the two parties were interested in cutting it off. As a matter of fact, they were trying to constantly pull at it, hoping that the other would come to the senses and side with them rather than the opposition.
This daily exchange of poisonous and violent arguments have been going on ever since I entered this family. Sad part is there is a lot of love behind their actions, but unfortunately only I could see that.
As an independent minded woman, I have my own concepts of how to live my life. But the constant interference of his parents not only tries to test my patience but also threatens to change my identity. As elders, they have all the right to advise and provide suggestions, but they do not hold any authority to dictate. Due to the bad relationship that my husband has with them, even a small concern pertaining to me gets blown out of proportion.
That is why I feel that it is very important to have mutual respect. Many times parents do not respect the wishes of their children just because they cannot understand them. But by doing that you are not only spoiling your relationship with them but are also making the children feel that they are not capable decision makers.
Image source: a still from the film 2 States
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