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A traditional lack of boundaries between Indian parents and their sons can seriously mess up things for the son, the parents, and the new daughter in law.
I have been married for more than 6 months now and I still cannot wrap my head around that fact.
In a situation like this it gets hard to comprehend the intensity of the so-called ”marital adjustments” I am supposed to make. What makes this even worse is not just adjusting to my husband, but also his hundred other close relatives.
Considering that my husband does not live with his parents and these relatives, I was in for a major shock when I realized how much he was dependent on them.
When it comes to Indian parents, there is always a lack of boundaries and the problem of being too involved in their child’s lives. By now, that is something most kids are accustomed to. But, the peace between the child and the parents will develop only after the parents start trusting the child to make their own decisions.
A couple of months into my marriage, I realized that the umbilical cord was never cut off in my husband’s case. It had become so overused and violated that it was diseased and needed to be cut off for him to have a better relationship with his parents.
But unfortunately, neither of the two parties were interested in cutting it off. As a matter of fact, they were trying to constantly pull at it, hoping that the other would come to the senses and side with them rather than the opposition.
This daily exchange of poisonous and violent arguments have been going on ever since I entered this family. Sad part is there is a lot of love behind their actions, but unfortunately only I could see that.
As an independent minded woman, I have my own concepts of how to live my life. But the constant interference of his parents not only tries to test my patience but also threatens to change my identity. As elders, they have all the right to advise and provide suggestions, but they do not hold any authority to dictate. Due to the bad relationship that my husband has with them, even a small concern pertaining to me gets blown out of proportion.
That is why I feel that it is very important to have mutual respect. Many times parents do not respect the wishes of their children just because they cannot understand them. But by doing that you are not only spoiling your relationship with them but are also making the children feel that they are not capable decision makers.
Image source: a still from the film 2 States
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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