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Who made the rule that women shouldn’t make the first move? We’re in 2020, and dear girls, go on slide into the DMs, in a non-creepy way, please!
Ever since I remember, a rule ingrained in my head – ‘Women, don’t make the first move in the matters of love or attraction, even if you like that man.’ Apprehensive and sometimes confused, I just followed the diktat and admit that I mugged it up like a scared verbatim. And I tagged along with it religiously aka herd mentality.
So, even if I liked a man, I royally ignored him. In fact more than the normal Tom Dick and Harry. I would look past them as if they aren’t there. Stop talking or talk extremely formal stuff. I probably pissed many of them or made them feel dejected. Cruel, isn’t it?
Let me tell you this was not only cruel for them, I used to feel pathetic as well. Afterwards, as I lamented about my misbehaviour and I hoped for them to still like and approach me. Stupid, no? Extremely insane, I would say. Or maybe I was just shy.
Many a times Zoe (me) felt bad after ignoring ‘that‘ cute guy and even cried after the guy lost interest. But, something was ‘stuck’ or cemented in the chip in my head. The girls locker room talks, friends’ bad experiences and ordinary chatter about patriarchy during school or college, kept me away from the Adam.
Also, being a little prudish and less romantic, didn’t hurt much.
Years later, last week to be precise, somebody who looks up to me quirked, “Di, I like this guy! Should I tell him?” Flummoxed and unprepared for the question, I told her I’ll get back to her. Then I rewound my tape.
Now, it’s not that I haven’t told guys, at all, that I liked them. Yes, I have told people flatly and in a matter-of-fact way that I like them. But I also emphasised that it didn’t mattered if they walk away. Adding that it was my problem and I just wanted them to “know” that I liked them. If you smell ego here you are somewhat right. For me it was about keeping my self-respect intact if the guy walked away. But, in no way I was frivolous, in fact, I was damn serious about the people I approached.
Some may even call me a coward for not having the courage to take ‘no’ for answer. But I will tell you, the people I ‘confessed’ to, had their reasons to say no.
So I took it and took it well. But these were rare occasions, when I opened my mouth and it was always when the exams were nearing or I was leaving the college etc. End decided in a way. (Why so late?)
Anyway, back to the present.
Now, when this girl asked me ‘what to do’ I began thinking again.
If you like someone, you should tell them irrespective of their gender. We live in an era where equality of gender is normal and as should the behavior and thinking be. Likewise, I advocate learning cooking to both men and women because if you consume food you should know how to cook it.
Similarly, if you like someone, do tell them. Why carry the tradition or load or whatever you might call it? Really, why wait for a conversation to be initiated by men? This can be in case of love or friendship or whatever you desire, for that matter. The idea is to liberate yourself from the closeted ideas of ‘let them approach us.’ (They never may!)
We end up thinking in straight-jacketed way that this gender-based thinking should wind up now. Do this, behave like this and don’t do that, certainly DO NOT approach men are all things of the past. All this brings back the ‘Gender Equality’ quagmire and it being still in question remains.
Letting your feelings know is not wrong, and if a man thinks it is, he was never going to approach you and nor was he right for you.
For some inspiration, look at Alia Bhatt. Years ago, she openly proclaimed that she wanted to marry Ranbir Kapoor. And look, she is going to! (At least, so far.)
Or, there’s another example, Sara Ali Khan. She, too, declared that she wanted to date Kartik Aryan. They didn’t just date, they also worked on a movie together!
So, dear girls, take that inspiration and dial the number, drop that text!
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Love Aaj Kal (2020)
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Woman with a mind of her own. Idiosyncratic. Mother. Writer. Dreamer. Ex-Media Employee. Content
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