Are You In A Relationship With, Or Married To A Mama’s Boy?

Is your partner a mama's boy? It’s not going to be easy if you have given your love to a man who’s mother will always come first.

Is your partner a mama’s boy? It’s not going to be easy if you have given your love to a man who’s mother will always come first.

You can love her or hate her but you can never ignore her… Guess who is she? Yeah, that’s your partner’s mother (or your mother-in-law).

Let’s call her ‘His Mom.

So, is he a mama’s boy?

This ‘His Mom’ is the most sensitive topic between you and your partner.

He tells her literally everything. He always takes her side over you. He needs her approval to make Big Decisions. He is never truly independent. He never believes anything unless his mom tells him so… and the bigger problem is that he believes everything and anything his mom tells him… It’s easier to say no to you than it is to her.

If you find that your guy is unable to hear anyone else’s opinion including yours about his mother, if he struggles to make choices that go against his mother’s advice or wishes, then you might find yourself at odds with him or his mother on matters that really count.

The inevitable comparisons

You will never be able to avoid the comparisons. And these can be as lame as what she prepares on a special occasion (Mom ke haath ki kheer – kheer made by mom) to where she keeps her jewelry.

You will have to adapt his mom’s way of doing things whether it’s household chores, managing finances, or doing puja. You will never be able to joke about his mom. So keep your mouth shut and send it to the girls’ chat instead: they’ll give you the laughs you deserve.

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Deciding things for you

‘His Mom’ decides which pictures you upload on your Facebook or Instagram. Beacuse those pictures should match the ‘sanskari’ parameter of Mishra Aunty and Nayak Aunty.

This means that she will comment about your jeans being too tight, your skirt being too short, the authenticity of your cooking, and will make comments to undermine you every chance she gets. Her hopes are that she can plant enough seeds of doubt in his head about you.

You always do it wrong

Then when children come along, a whole new set of problems arises, because she believes you will never be a ‘good enough’ mother to her grandchildren (just as you aren’t a good enough wife to her son)!

Imagine struggling to do something right, but always being told you’re doing it wrong? But not only are you doing it wrong, but someone else does it much better than you. Even when she’s not physically present, she will always make sure that her presence is felt, and this is sure to become tiresome and downright annoying!

What your mama’s boy needs to know

It’s one thing to get your mom’s advice on something; it’s another to require her approval when you’re a grown adult.

While there’s nothing wrong with having a good relationship with your mother, it starts to become a problem when it affects your relationship. There is also nothing wrong with a mother loving her son. Yet it’s not ok when a mother cannot let go of her son and feels that he is a piece of property, which she owns and isn’t for sale.

How to recognise a mama’s boy

On the outside, they look like every other man. But on the inside, they cannot withstand the pull from their mother and often don’t show their full fledged addiction to mommy love until they are hooked or married.

If your man seems to disappear just to dial his mother, when he knows you are out of ear shot – you can bet he is a mama’s boy.

So how do I deal with this mama’s boy?

I am not saying that a mama’s boy isn’t a good man. I’m simply here to let you know that it’s not going to be an easy ride if you decide to give your love to a man who’s mother will always come first.

I am sure these mama’s boys don’t do it on purpose, but it’s impossible for them to not look at the woman they have chosen to share their life with, and compare them to their mothers.

A mama’s boy is used to being babied. If they don’t get what they want and when they want it, guess who will be the first person he complains to? Yup, his mom! She already didn’t like you, but because you’re treating her son so “poorly,” she now has it out for you. He will never understand the meaning of compromise and in such scenario if you will lose your patience, there comes the time to say goodbye.

The greatest advice I can give is to ensure that your man is not an undercover mama’s boy. The most dangerous place to stand is between a mother and a child. Tenfold if it is a mother and a son!

Dating a mama’s boy is definitely one of the largest trials in a relationship. You will be always the ‘other woman’ in his life, you will get manipulated, and you will feel powerless. So if your are okay with it, go for it…

So, are YOU with a mama’s boy?

First published here.

Image source: a still from the film 2 States

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About the Author

Anushree Dash

Gender Equality Advocate, TEDx Speaker, Social Reformer, Sociopreneur, Human Rights Activist, Pad woman of Odisha , Writer, Motivational Speaker, Art connoisseur... An impenitent, non-conformist, adventurous, boho soul and an admirer of life. Loves my Indian read more...

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