A Call For Help, From My Childhood

In today’s day and age, a lot of adolescents are overcome with pressure, self inflicted or otherwise. It often feels as though there is no hope.

If you relate to this piece, I want you to know that you are NOT alone. I want you to know you CAN feel better, with the right help.

*Trigger alert: depression, suicidal thoughts

Childhood

It’s a time we all long for once we grow up
yet a time none of us really lived in
choosing to think about the future
instead of enjoying the present
we dreamt of rosy days to come
staying up late, complete freedom
parents no longer controlling your every move

it’s only as you grow older that you realise
staying up late isn’t all that fun
not when the only reason is the pending homework assignments

parents hovering over you is far better than loneliness
than the pressure you have to succeed, to be first in everything you do

free time is reduced, you can’t join things you’re passionate about
the need to do well
to work hard in order to attain a good college
because second isn’t good enough
nothing is ever good enough
you need to push, push, push
strive harder
you NEED to be first
it doesn’t matter if your spirit is shrivelling up inside
you need to motivate yourself to work
because studies come first
before anything

if you don’t get into a good college
your life will be ruined
because that’s the only way your life can be ruined
your life can’t possibly be ruined due to depression, oh no
it’s all in your head
a made up problem
built to garner sympathy
unless, of course you’re talking about an angle in trigonometry
the pressure shouldn’t get to you
not even when the voices in your head scream
or go completely silent

the screams
the silence
the SCREAMS
and the silence
alternating over and over in your head
some days, the silence gets too loud
cascading torrents in your head
and you can’t bear it anymore
until one day
it stops.

First published here.

If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. 
Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669
Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050
Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704
Sahai, Bangalore: 080–25497777
Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001

Image source: pixabay

Ananya Sangwan

My name is Ananya Sangwan. I am 16 years old. I am an avid reader

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