Check out these 8 Government Loan Schemes That You Can Benefit From As A Woman In Business.
Acknowledge the problem, Understand how you feel, Identify your triggers. Here is help for when things seem to going all wrong for you.
I hate uncertainty. It doesn’t work with me. I don’t like the idea of being preoccupied with something while I mindlessly get on with my life. I’ve always believed – do one thing at a time, do it right and get it out of your mind.
This is why I love planning my days. I do this with the full understanding that there are many aspects in my own life that I have no control over. And also that it is boring to plan every aspect of your life. I plan my routines at home, work and made times for my personal habits. It works well. I get bored quickly so I keep changing my routines.
This also ensures I don’t get too comfortable. Planning gave me the discipline I needed for my life.
While things usually worked out well, it did have its shortcomings. I got so used to being on top of my game that any changes by external factors made it difficult to handle. A few months back, I noticed that things that were until recently in my control were slipping out of my hand. I was not ready to let them go.
It was difficult to accept that I was getting affected for no mistake on my part and I couldn’t do anything about it. This created a miserable environment for me.
For a while, I was in denial, blaming it all on my environment. It took me a few days to deal with the roller coaster of emotions I was going through. I was angry, helpless and frustrated. I was paying too much attention to things that did not need it. I was constantly thinking about this issue no matter where I went.
It took me a lot of conversations, opening up to trusted people, pouring my heart out to eventually calm down. I always prided myself on being able to stick to logic irrespective of the amount of stress I’ve endured. But sometimes things happen. We’re allowed to falter. We’re human beings!
Writing them down was the best thing I did during that phase. It not only helped me provide an outlet to express what I was feeling. I could go back and look at all my journal entries during the two months to help me understand what I was going through.
Based on my experience, here are a few things that helped me.
It’s easy to be in denial. It’s easier to wait for things to blow up before you have to deal with them hoping that the problem would go away. But the fact is, the sooner you accept what is happening, the easier it becomes to handle the situation.
Acknowledging problems for what they are means you accept that something is wrong. Once you know that, you’ll figure out how it affects you. You’re then looking to handle the problem or reach out to someone who can help. The crucial part is to get into this mindset before things go beyond your control when there is still hope.
Trust me, it might seem like a very insignificant aspect, but it brings a sense of calm. It gives you the strength to deal with it.
Ever since I started writing about ‘How I felt today’, it’s helped me understand my emotions a lot better. Once you of the problem, you’ve to find what is affecting you and how it makes you feel. The ‘what’ part of the problem is more or less straightforward. The key here is to keep asking why something affected you over and again to get to the real underlying cause.
Most often, we end up handling a symptom of the problem rather than the root cause of the problem. So it’s important to dive deep into what you think the problem is. For instance, you’d think someone’s uninformed decision caused the problem. But the problem could have been that your ego took a hit, or you didn’t agree with the person or the decision. It could be anything. And it isn’t the first thing that comes up in your mind when you think about the problem. As a rule, follow the 5-whys- technique.
Once you understand what the problem is, find out how it makes you feel. This is an important step because you can deal with something only when you know how you feel about it. If it scares you, try to understand where your fear comes from and tackle that. If it makes you angry, understand what part of it is causing that frustration. It is essential to analyze the emotions you associate the problem with. Only that will lead you to the right solution.
How you handle the problem is subjective. But at least you know what you’re looking for.
Finding a solution is one of the crucial steps. But the most crucial one is identifying your triggers. Usually, it’s not one big change that causes an issue. It is a series of small changes over time that builds up the frustrations. So figure out what was the one thing that changed it from being a minor inconvenience to a major issue.
See if there are patterns from your past and what triggered you then. It would not only help your current situation but also prepare you for the future. If you understand your emotions, you can handle things better.
Whenever I feel troubled, my mentor would ask me to look at things from a different perspective. Until recently, I did not understand what it meant. It means that you stop looking at things from a me-lens. It’s where you think whatever happens if for you or because of you. You need to start looking at things from a we-lens where you empathize with others.
For example, if someone is rude to you, you shouldn’t immediately make it about you. You try to empathize with the person who was rude and find out what could have triggered them. This way you know that this is not about you, but it’s about them. The best thing would be to cast it aside or talk to the person when they feel better. And you will also realize that this is never your problem, to begin with.
These are some of the generic pointers which have helped me. While some things can be fixed in a few weeks, certain deeper issues take months, years or an expert’s help to fix them. But remember one thing – always seek help when needed. It can give you some perspective. Even if you aren’t able to get to a solution, you at least know you have someone to help you fight your battles.
Sometimes, that’s all you need!
First published at author’s blog
Image via Unsplash
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
A Blogger from Chennai, now in Sydney, Australia. I like writing on habits, productivity, and life experiences. When I'm not writing, I read, try to balance being a foodie & a fitness enthusiast, and make read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
My parents and I, a few hours before — were in Delhi’s most popular mall when a couple appeared in front of us and lips locked for about a minute.
Laws are made for our security keeping in mind the culture in certain aspects, in India whereas sometimes they are based on just the mentality of the curator and the other times it is just made and never looked back for certain amendments as per the time and era we live in.
I am a millennial child and always find myself crushed between new and orthodox thought processes. Though, I do not support old ways of thinking where showing love in public needs someone’s authorization.
Today something happened where even though I do not personally get offended, but my father did, and that too to the extent that I had to push him to the exit gate; so that he won’t show his displeasure openly and draw unnecessary attention.
Please enter your email address