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Neha Dhupia's recent controversy makes you wonder just how vulnerable women and their families are to mass hysteria and people's judgement even in 2020.
Neha Dhupia’s recent controversy makes you wonder just how vulnerable women and their families are to mass hysteria and people’s judgement even in 2020.
The problem with society is, how easily mass hysteria can occur when a woman chooses to say something ‘out of line.’ It sure feels that when a woman says something considered ‘wrong’ or remotely problematic, there are millions of people ready to pounce on her and eat her flesh.
I’m not here to debate what Neha Dhupia said was correct or not. My point here is the selective abusive outrage of the people is extremely unfair as it only makes the women more vulnerable to voicing their opinion. It makes the gender and moral conversations much harder.
Whether it is right or wrong is secondary. The outrage and abuses thrown at her and her family, including her baby make me wonder how people especially men are offended when a woman says something about morality/sex. Aren’t these the same people who applaud and show passive indifference when a misogynistic comment makes a headline?
For example, director Sandeep Vanga’s comment on physical violence being a part of love was extremely problematic. But when women raised voice and criticised it, it was not him who was trolled but the women who criticised it.
Even if Neha’s comment was wrong, there is a way to handle these kind of problematic opinions. Unfortunately people hardly know the difference between trolling, abusing, and criticising. Abusing and harassing Neha and her family shows how people, especially, the Indian men do not know how to handle conflict without resorting to verbal or physical abuse.
While the actor’s comments could have opened up debates on feminism and sexual morality, it did neither. The comments had the potential to see multiple perspectives on ambiguousness and feminism, instead it made people stand up and criticise the actor and her family.
Her comments could have given people reason to see the ‘reality’ behind these ‘reality’ shows. Yet here we are, once again, stuck with abuses and the kind of outrage that makes me want to stand with her and support her, irrespective of my opinion on the issue at hand.
Even though there are issues with the comment and its context, this is a familiar terrain. Do you remember Vogue’s ‘My Choice’ video? This is essentially the same, these issues highlight the fact that women’s sexual morality is often more protected and restricted than a man’s is. A cheating wife is more ostracised and socially condemned than a man ever is.
These issues crop up every time a woman cheats and if anyone supports adultery, the conversation taking place is that of feminism, or rather, fake feminism. At the same time, the outrage over the slap is very little showing once again, that people are totally okay with the violence. It goes on to show that the society still believes that a cheating partner is totally worthy of a slap. They refuse to believe that infidelity is no reason or excuse to physically abuse your partner.
Violence, be it physical, sexual or mental, is much more dangerous than adultery itself. Which is exactly why, adultery is a civil offence while domestic/physical abuse is a criminal offence.
Finally, even though her comment may have been misogynistic or that of a ‘fake’ feminist, it is important you express outrage in a civilised manner. Instead, I am reminded, once again of just how barbaric we are while using social media and technology as a weapon to hurt people.
Picture credits: YouTube
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If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then we expect her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities at home as a woman’ and leave her job.
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
Investing in women means many things beyond the obvious meaning of this IWD2024 theme, as the many orgs doing stellar work can show us.
What does it mean to invest in women?
Telling the women in our lives how great we think they are? That we value the sacrifices they have made? (Usually though not necessarily only – a sacrifice of their aspirations, careers and earning potential in order to focus on family).
No, thank you. Just talk is no longer going to cut it. Roses and compliments are great, but it’s time people, leaders, organizations put their money, capital, resources on track instead.
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