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She had cheated death which she once wished. It was HIM who loved her and that is all that she needed. She felt liberated.
Walking down the lane between the pine and the eucalyptus trees, she called for death. The gentle breeze and the smell of the eucalyptus leaves which she once loved didn’t appeal to her anymore. She hastened her pace as the clouds had begun to cluster in the sky. Early morning, the sky had been picture perfect but now it was changing… just like her mood. The beautiful concoction of blue and white was dawning into gravel grey. Large cushions of cloud were forming…somewhat blotching the old gold colour of the sun.
Exhausted, she looked up to see if the monastery up the hill was any closer. Her tiredness was now tending towards insanity. She felt as if the spirit had left her body. Listless and tired…nothing seemed okay with her this morning.
Her legs hurt but she managed to pull herself. A lady carrying a baby brushed aside her but she was all lost in her thoughts. She loved babies. She remembered the little Jhilmil she once had but now her lap was barren.
Walking deeper into the woods, the words of Robert Frost – “miles to go before I sleep”– reverberated in her ears. She wondered if she had walked enough for the day and could rest now. Her body urged her to rest and bask in the tranquillity of nature. Nature and its serenity were infinite and she was tired….so very very tired. But she had no time to rest.
Her legs ached but she reached her destination. She had wished death in the house of God. A young monk crossed her path but she couldn’t see him. She was in a haze. She had done everything to make Avinash happy but couldn’t succeed. He said he loathed her; he said she suffocated him; he said he would never like to see her again! She wept deep within when she heard the chants humming from the monastery. The young monk crossed her path again. She stopped him now. Desperately she asked him why was he so happy when she is just a miserable soul. The monk didn’t reply.
She had carried the poison with her. It was just the right time. The monk reached to her now; he lent her the cup to pour the poison so that she could gulp. The universe whispered, “Gulp it, gulp the poison”. And she did; she gulped yet she was alive. So what was it she had gulped?
Smiling the monk answered “You just gulped HOPE, you just gulped FAITH, you just gulped EMPATHY, and you just gulped COMPASSION. Reach out to those who need you. Reach out to those who care for you. The universe needs you. Kill the virulent thoughts within you and not the whole of you”.
She retorted “But I had been rejected. I had been rejected by the one whom I loved and I thought cared for me”.
The young soul reverted, “But I love you…don’t you realize that? The trees love you, the path you came across loves you, and the souls you touched once love you. Search for love within. It’s in you. Aspire for inner wisdom and not for outer favours from random people.”
She entered the monastery and she found where her love was. She heard the first specks of rain across the meadows. She watched the tiny droplets of moisture that dripped from the leaves and sprinkled on the lush green grass. The rainfall became intense. So much rain was pouring that the sound hazed into one long, buzzing noise.
She had cheated death which she once wished. It was HIM who loved her and that is all that she needed. She felt liberated. Kneeling before Lord Buddha she prayed for Jhilmil. That is all that mattered and that is all she wanted.
She lifted herself up. The rainfall has lessened. The sun showed its smiling face once again. The raindrops gradually faded to a musical chime. It was in the house of God she found her salvation.
Image via Pixabay
Rimli Bhattacharya is a First class gold medalist in Mechanical Engineering from National Institute of Technology, an MBA in supply chain management and is engaged with a corporate sector. Her essay in the anthology “Book read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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