What Is It That Makes Me Value My Self Worth?

Well, last year was particularly eventful. Ironically, I was unemployed. I did rejoice the freedom and open-ended choices in life. I went on idyllic trips sporadically but it just didn’t seem like an ideal respite anymore. I felt hollow being unemployed and I was looking for countless chic-new age ways to spend my time; volunteer for programs abroad to work away from home and programs of all the ‘other new age ways’ to negate joblessness.

I was finally determined to work with an NGO in India (yes, there was a lot to learn and it was a fine experience). I thought to myself, “I was trying to break from the monotony (in my career) and now I have shot myself on my foot.” I was mostly apprehensive and peevish. Therefore, when I finished my term at the NGO, I got back attempting to thrive professionally to compromise for my work sabbatical. I was trying to accomplish an unrealistic and impractical feat that would elucidate my ‘reason for being’. I was frantically trying to establish an online space (as an entrepreneur) to create a niche for myself and regain my professional stint.

Only to realise my appetite wasn’t craving for an online e-commerce space. Fortunately, I realised this in the preliminary stage; when I was doing the groundwork for the startup. I was distraught because I was lucid about what I didn’t aspire for but I was in mystery of my “reason for being”. Is it for work-life stability or for sanity that I sought a career?

Then, suddenly things turned around when a loved one passed away. Here, I was at crossroads. Either I could wither away in darkness due to lack of clarity or take charge of duties and responsibilities.

I was fortunate to regain strength and clarity with great support from loved ones. Most importantly I did grasp to Ted Talks, motivation videos, other positive stories and videos that helped me gain my inner strength. I realised these motivational videos laced me with a blaze of hope and positivity.

I attended to the family business with diligence and dedication while learning a lot of things about the business; as good as a beginner or an enthusiastic fresher (wisely-unwise). On the hindsight, I did reconsider my career options at my hometown and decided to take a leap once the personal workload recedes.

And, voila!! I knew what I wanted to do, I loved communication and interacting with people; public speaking. But I’m almost a novice with a fair bit of experience at Toastmasters and moderate experience in the learning space. And, they were haunting memories of all those embarrassing times when I was younger, pronouncing genre as “GEN…RE” Philanthropy as “File and Trophy” And, I was also trying to fill into the BIG shoes of a loved one. But, most importantly I need to find my “reason for being”. As I was more enthused about the job than being apprehensive and driven more than anxious, I decided to invest in the opportunity.

I was conferred with an opportunity as a communication lead and instructional designer that subscribed to my priorities and asks. I joined a start-up; defragmented and unorganized. I relented about my safe and secure job at Big 4 in the suave-sparkling metropolitan city. I missed the buzz and thrills. I didn’t have a choice and I decided to consign to the new opportunity.

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Turns out, as days passed, I was inspired and worked effortlessly overtime; without pressure or force but self-motivated to ensure I outshined at what I do. Previously, when I overworked, the result was stress but this time it was gratification. I motivated people at work and consistently endeavoured to sharpen my skills. I genuinely aspired and worked for a shift positive shift in myself and the participants.

The result, although at personal business proposition the stakes were high and there was a lot of pressure, I could handle the situation with the utmost care, focus and patience.

Not that I do exceedingly well, but I look to learn, grow and ‘REPEAT’. Also, carrying out personal duties diligently along with a passion (not with a Big 4 or a Fortune 500) is certainly a win-win or win-learn. The words “lose or fail” can be replaced with “learn, grow and experience”.

Remember, “A winner is a failure who just tried another time.”

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