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Can Holi be a teachable moment for our families and communities, with people coming together in joy and comfort with each other? Yes! Make this Holi an occasion to talk about Consent.
Almost 25 years ago as a pre-teen in Shimla I never played Holi. Since childhood I was averse to this whole idea of getting ‘dirty’ and also being touched by so many people (unkindly, as it seemed). On one such Holi evening long after the clamour and ‘playing’ had halted I walked to the neighbourhood shop for some essentials as was routine, when an inebriated man literally forced himself on me in a narrow passage, and rubbed gulal on my face and hair, harshly shouting HAPPY HOLI! I ran home and in spite of my mom asking me what had happened, I couldn’t say what exactly had happened.
I felt violated – “inappropriately touched” is the technical term as I learned years later.
The incident had me in shock for many days and I think for years after that, I avoided that path in the neighbourhood altogether. Many years later I realized that it was my first brush with the crude public harassment that most women and girls in India go through, especially around and in the name of Holi.
No other festivals in India involve physical contact with another; in our culture we are otherwise too paranoid of family members of the opposite gender or even couples hugging and touching each other in public view but then hypocritically enough the same society ‘allows’ anybody to violate anybody’s physical space on this one day.
The whole social ambience a few days preceding Holi is that of hooliganism and rowdiness. Boys and men seem to get a short term license to molest and harass anyone, particularly women and girls. What is even worse that any mention of CONSENT in such a scenario is seen as anti-culture, anti-festive spirit and what not!
Women have gone through horrendous experiences like being pulled and pushed from two-wheelers, jostled in public places, forcibly fondled and smeared with gross things ranging from paint, grease, and sewage water to semen.
Here are a few important points that we need to set as rules in families and communities:
Do not assume CONSENT.
Ask: “May I put a small dot of colour on your forehead for Holi? Do you want to play colours with me? Are you okay with water colours?”
And most importantly, if our idea of a festival means fear and disgust for someone else, it is time to revise and alter it.
The common phrase used in Holi Bura na mano Holi hai! (Don’t mind, it’s Holi) needs to be changed to Bura na karo Holi hai! (Don’t do ill, it’s Holi!)
Image via Pixabay
Pooja Priyamvada is an author, columnist, translator, online content & Social Media consultant, and poet. An awarded bi-lingual blogger she is a trained psychological/mental health first aider, mindfulness & grief facilitator, emotional wellness trainer, reflective read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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