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If a daughter can care for her parents in spite of staying in in-law’s house then why a son can’t do the same while staying away?
“No ….. I will not marry as I can’t stay away from this home without mamma”, this is the reaction of my son when someone teases him mentioning his future marriage. Generally in our society girls grow up with a fear of missing their parents and parental home when they get married but my son is also experiencing it.
A few years back while we were attending one of my cousins’ marriage, my son was shocked to see the lamentation during ‘Bidai ‘and asked me why girls cry during marriage. And at that moment I decided not to push that typical “Girls have to leave parental house and go to husband’s house” theory into his head. I explained to him, when boys and girls grow up and get married they have to make their own home, away from their ancestral one. This is the custom of our society (though it’s not yet so). To this, his prompt question was “Will I also leave our home when I get married and will never be able to see you and Papa?” I told him that “It’s not that you will never see us, we will always remain attached as your Dada-Dadi and Nana-Nani is attached to us, often we are visiting them and so they are. But as you will grow up so you and your wife will set up a new house, leaving both of your parental houses”. On that he was much worried about sleeping without Mama and finally decided not to marry…LOL !!
I still wonder how long in our society only brides will be in tears while biding adieu to her parents, in fact, why should she bid adieu and come to stay in someone else’s house? Why the custom of marriage doesn’t include setting up a new home by the couple? A home where both sets of parents can equally come stay and enjoy the company of their children and grandchildren, which is never possible for the girl’s parents in her in-law’s house. They always feel themselves as intruder in their own daughter and son in-law’s life but the other set of parents are always confident about their rights in son and daughter in-laws life and privileged to get all the care and concern of society as well.
Wedding gives birth of a new family out of two different families. It should not distance children form their parents whether it is the son or the daughter. But here one family rejoices for receiving a new member and the other mourns on the day of ‘Bidai’. For the sake of their children’s new conjugal life why not both the parents share the pain of missing them who were always around before marriage?
And about looking after the parents? If a daughter can care for her parents in spite of staying in in-law’s house then why a son can’t do the same while staying away? Isn’t it time for the fortunate (as we think of ourselves) parents of sons to grow up, plan an independent future life for themselves and let their “Ladlas” live his own life as every daughter’s parent do?
Living in a separate house does not mean not caring for parents, the daughters have proven it.
Image via Pexels
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