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As women, we need to hold on to our friends from teenage years, as they can keep us connected to our carefree selves.
For many people who I know, their parents’ transferable jobs made it possible for them to live in different cities at different phases of growing up. Sounded exciting to me back then when I heard of this – because it meant meeting new friends in each of the new schools they went to or each new neighbourhood that they stayed in.
I had always stayed in one single place till the time I turned 21 years of age, attended a total of 2 schools and 1 college in those 21 years and stayed in the same apartment complex and neighbourhood for that entire duration. A lot of my friends were or are the same from the time we sat together as little girls in Nursery, up until now.
In the world of meeting new people every day – virtually or at events or in common interest groups, one does form friendships that will last a lifetime. If one is fortunate, one may also find friends who connect with one’s soul in a way that old friends do.
But even at the cost of sounding incredibly boring in this vibrant world of quickly formed friendships, I have to admit that I know myself to be someone whose source of peace comes from my friends from my teenage years. Those years, as we all know, are defining ones for us, especially for girls. The reason I say that is because in India, you are constantly under the pressure to play multiple roles even as a teenager if you are a girl.
Let me share an incident that I recall vividly. There is a set of us who have studied together from the time we were 3 years old till we turned 18. Our school did not have the XI -XII classes and so we had to switch schools at that stage after Class X, when we were 15-16 years old. One of the schools we were trying to apply to had entrance examinations and based on that 1 of my closest friends got through. 2 of us who had given the exam as well did not qualify. So we started applying to other schools. Suddenly, after a couple of days we got a call from that earlier school that the 2 of us had made it to the second list! Well, before that announcement was made, we had already started adapting our thoughts to being in different places. But the joy of being together in the next school too was immense and inexplicable.
I thought these were passing thoughts and being the sentimental person I tend to be, these will phase out as I grow up and discover new friendships. As I pursued my career across different firms and then my baking venture, I met many like-minded people and I have been lucky to identify with them due to the common links or passion. I still believe those friendships are life-long and rock-steady.
But here’s what I have realized over the past few years about the kind of difference that my friends from teenage years made and are still making to my life as a woman.
So, I think that’s what friends from teenage years are – a balm for turbulent times, a steady ship in stormy seas, a mirror reflection of our own internal selves. They are the only ones who will tell you to not rush, when the world tells you to hurry up !
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If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then we expect her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities at home as a woman’ and leave her job.
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
Investing in women means many things beyond the obvious meaning of this IWD2024 theme, as the many orgs doing stellar work can show us.
What does it mean to invest in women?
Telling the women in our lives how great we think they are? That we value the sacrifices they have made? (Usually though not necessarily only – a sacrifice of their aspirations, careers and earning potential in order to focus on family).
No, thank you. Just talk is no longer going to cut it. Roses and compliments are great, but it’s time people, leaders, organizations put their money, capital, resources on track instead.
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