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With the recent Bengaluru molestation incident, one thing is clear: We're willing to blame anything except the patriarchal system we live in.
With the recent Bengaluru molestation incident, one thing is clear: We’re willing to blame anything except the patriarchal system we live in.
The state’s home minister blames the women themselves — after all, since when have women been allowed to have fun? Even well meaning, feminist articles blame the parents of the molesters.
There are the usual ubiquitous theories blaming mothers or feminism (and of course, the women, who chose to be out at night in a public space — how dare they claim space that men have always laid claim to?).
Apparently, the molesters themselves do not deserve blame. Oh, you’re looking for a bigger reason, a deeper significance to this? Here’s one: patriarchy.
The idea of women being equal — equally powerful and equally safe — scares us much than a world where women are routinely molested, raped, and killed — our world. Feminists have been acknowledging — and combatting — the problem for many decades, yet we still live in a world where feminists are scarier than rapists: we would rather not even legally prohibit marital rape, for instance, for fear that women might have “too many rights”.
What then is the solution? It will involve multiple interventions and initiatives, over many years. Give women equal rights and equal representation in government, in workplaces, in non-governmental organisations. Let children grow up seeing their mothers and aunts and grandmothers as equals to men, as powerful.
Parents should ideally also pass on feminist views, but feminism in the home is not enough without a more equal world outside. A big part of this is sensitising media messages — no more glorification of masculinity, no more jokes about emasculation or rape or violence or sexuality or non-gender-conformance. (Not coincidentally, feminist activists and organisations have already been working on all of these solutions.)
But the government has never been interested in the difficult work of creating systemic solutions to systemic problems, choosing instead to provide “provocative” (read vile) sound bites.
We aren’t even ready to acknowledge the problem, to name it. Finding solutions can only come after.
Unmana is interested in gender, literature and relationships, and writes about everything she's interested in. She lives in, and loves, Bombay. read more...
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Before expecting the daughter in law to love, respect and accept the new family, it is only fair that the family demonstrates all of these first.
If you are a married Indian woman, one of the first words you hear from your in laws is that you are now a daughter of the house. How true is that statement though? Are daughters in law really treated as daughters or is this only lip service?
A friend recently confided how hurt she felt when she wanted to visit her in-laws along with her husband but was told not to, because the in-laws wanted time alone with their son. Naturally, she was taken aback since she had always been fed this trope – that she was the daughter, not the daughter in law. Why then this sudden keeping at arm’s distance? Would a son in law ever be told not to accompany his wife on her visit to her parents because they wanted quality time with their daughter? That is unimaginable in a patriarchal society.
It is ok to want time alone with the married offspring but how does that meld into the Indian family system, where independent choices are less important than the whole family coming together?
My husband returns home tired after working & travelling. I, like other working women, return home refreshed after enjoying full day at office!
I am a working woman and mother of a 2 year old daughter. People say I am irresponsible and lazy because I have a house-help.
Yes, I’m irresponsible and don’t have any work. Except checking what groceries needs to be refilled and ordering them for home delivery, washing my and my husband’s clothes, drying and folding them, getting the work-wear clothes ironed, keeping clothes in place, cleaning bathrooms and toilets, changing bedsheets, dusting windows occasionally, hand washing my daughter’s soiled clothes in hot water, bathing my daughter twice, feeding my daughter breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Rest other work like cooking and house cleaning done by the house-help and my husband takes care of getting fruits and vegetables from the market every week. So I don’t have any work except those few mentioned earlier.
The versatile feminist actor, director, and writer Kalki Koechlin speaks about her work, feminism, and her recent journey into motherhood.
Kalki Koechlin, actor, director, writer, feminist and soon-to-be mother is how one can describe Kalki in a nutshell. Known for her choice of unconventional cinema and outspokenness, she has always lent her name and voice to causes around women empowerment and gender equality.
Born to parents of French origin, she spent most of her childhood in Pondicherry, after which she studied drama and theatre in London. Recipient of many awards like The National Film Award for Margarita With A Straw, she believes in cinema with a purpose.
Patriarchy was never about men. It is about everyone who promotes a social system where few individuals, regardless of gender, feel entitled.
Patriarchy is a system of society or the government, where men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. It is considered a man’s domain. We have always believed it was men who want to keep women under dominance.
However, the neglected and bitter truth is that women participate equally in this system and promote it daily. Instances of mother-in-law making the bride go through the same ordeal which she faced are not new.