Read on how to enrich your life by purpose, i.e. to find depth and, a reason to get out of bed each morning, your own Ikigai.
Society expects you to give the ‘good news’ soon after you are married. But is it really so wrong to have children late, or not to have them at all?
So what is wrong in having children late? Needless to say I speak for both genders alike when it comes to this decision.
For most of us who are working professionals, our lives essentially goes in building a foundation for ourselves, creating wealth for security, generating more income. So that our parents also can be taken care of, and needless to say also nurturing the marriage – a relationship which is a lifetime companionship.
We take at least until our mid-thirties or late thirties to reach a position of stature and standing when it comes to the work place and career. By this time we are mature, clear, have a better understanding of self and have invested well enough into our marriages to have great compatibility.
All our work and career translates into amassing more wealth, more possessions – a house, a car, etc. In some cases multiple houses and cars. Our better careers also mean that we do the right thing by caring for our parents who have indeed sacrificed much of their lives for us. Who may not have necessarily like us in mid-thirties have been able to do all that we (childless couples) are able to.
Now some would argue about the body clock, getting older, less energy to take care of children later in life, etc.
But here’s the thing – be aware of the technology. Freeze your eggs, freeze the sperm, go for surrogacy, go for adoption – do what you think is right as a couple. Don’t fall prey to the social pressure of having children because someone is expecting ‘good news’ from you.
As for getting older – I would think that’s a good thing. You are wiser, better equipped, better controlled on temper and have perfect and total control of your finances – wouldn’t that make you happier individuals and happier parents (when you choose that road)?
And as for taking care, there are so many home care options available nowadays which you can afford when you know you have stability. There are indeed so many working professionals who also leave their children in day care or other crèche options. Your late thirties is also a time when you slow down the pace of your work since you are clear in which direction your life is headed. It is not a mad rush of your twenties where you not only have to establish your career and work life, but the added responsibility of a child would totally shift your focus and then plenty of sacrifices tend to be made.
I would assume what really a child needs is to have a stable home, a decent lifestyle, someone to take care and time to be spent with them. Unless you are not settled in your mind and life taking on the responsibility of another human being wouldn’t do much good.
Having children late by choice means that you know you have made the right decision and covered all aspects and are aware of what you signed up for.
It also means that we as a couple chose this and do not need anything to complete our lives. So is it so wrong to be happy and childless too ?
Now I am in no ways against couples who choose to have a child early in their lives or in twenties or thirties as well. I am merely expressing my views as someone who is in mid thirties and not keen to go down the child route because it’s a usual way of life. I am also the voice of all those who have tried and failed. I am also the voice of all those who are perfectly happy without a child but somewhere are made to feel guilty to choose this free life.
So break away enjoy yourself, enjoy your marriage, enjoy all the luxuries that you worked so hard for and when you / if you feel the need to then have a child go ahead – it’s your life. In the end you are also responsible for the addition of life in your life. Do it when you are ready and can.
Image source: pregnant woman by Shutterstock.
You have made some very valid points on this topic. Certainly marriage and having children are decisions that require much thought and planning. Like you rightly say they have to be voluntary and informed decisions. Personally and from a sociological perspective I do think there is a deep and abiding functionality to both therefore their importance cannot be undermined. Yet it is not the optimal choice for everybody – certainly not in over populated countries like ours and in current times when being committed is a huge challenge due to the wide diversity and ever changing hue of values and role expectations that are attached to these commitments. While individuality and individual choices have become important, the larger societal and environmental implications cannot be over looked either. Greater awareness and informed decision making at the individual and wider public levels is the need of the hour in terms of population policy and family roles and structures.
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