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There are many ways to say sorry, without having used the word 'sorry' itself. Here our writer suggests three such ways.
There are many ways to say sorry, without having used the word ‘sorry’ itself. Here our writer suggests three such ways.
We all have had our share of ‘sorry’. From the apologizing sorry to the reflexive sorry and to the needlessly repetitive ones. We are all conditioned to apologize and use the word when:
We’ve all been down this and a few other variants I can think of, and a few years ago a chance random line in an article made me pause and wonder. Then I observed myself, and the number of needless times I was repeating the phrase “I am sorry!” – only to realize to my shock and horror that I was indeed apologizing and using ‘sorry’ as a stop gap filler when the situation got awkward, sudden and immediate and well, contrite.
It was my fall back comfort zone.
I spoke it with such assurance, one that could absolve all possible ramifications and give me complete salvation. Like the ground could open and swallow me and we can all go about doing our bright cheery things like nothing ever happened.
That was most likely 50% true. and I was being generous. I realized I was such a fraud (along with most of the folks who also used that as a backup,) and decided to do something about it. I mean, am such an honest Abe, and once I knew an untruth, I had to take it upon myself to fix things. Yep, did I tell you I was a girl scout?
So, I offer you other substitutes, when you want to say ‘sorry’ but it isn’t really a ‘sorry’ kind of situation or warrant.
So, most of these are your fault. Maybe there was an expectation to water those dying plants, and maybe you were not supposed to wake that person up, BUT the point remains that you follow up your ‘oops’ with a contrite action. You walk away and let the person unwind their way, you make amends by replacing the dead plants or water them if you are lucky and you mop that coffee up or fix that stain.
You aren’t exactly saying, ‘Sorry’ but you are acknowledging the ‘faux pas’ if at all, and you are changing the situation towards the more conducive or moving it towards the more agreeable direction. Okay, works.
Thank you is an acknowledgment that works great in times when someone takes an effort to correct or better your action or word.
So, you are acknowledging their corrective action and kindness, and at the same time being cognizant of the role you faltered in. Giving thanks and filling the space with gratitude immediately removes all the negativity, unpleasantness and blame game and replaces it with one of honor, respect and a smile.
With just a slight tone and change in our words and how we say them, any situation can be changed from harshness to one of conducive proper learning and growth, one that inspire hope and camaraderie.
I am not saying ‘sorry’ needs to be replaced, no, not at all, just that when and if we watch ourselves, we may just realize that we tend to over use the word and some simpler, less tenuous situations can be wrapped and packaged in a way that makes us all feel like winners.
Cover image via Shutterstock
Rads lives in the suburbs of Washington DC along with her husband, three kids and dog. Profiled on Her Story, she is an optometrist and a data analyst in previous years, and is now playing read more...
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The plight of Indian women's mental health often goes unnoticed. Co-founders Vivek Satya Mitram and Pooja Priyamvada conceived the idea of the Bharat Dialogues Women & Mental Health Summit to address this.
Trigger Warning: This contains descriptions of mental health trauma and suicide, and may be triggering for survivors.
Author’s note: The language and phraseology used are not the author’s words but the terms and narrative popularly used for people living with mental illnesses, and may feel non-inclusive. It is merely for putting our point across better.
I have seen how horrifying was the treatment given to those with mental illness.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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