Amrita Rai’s Relationship With Digvijaya Singh And Why Women Should Not Explain Their Decisions

Posted: October 7, 2015

The recent case of Digvijaya Singh and Amrita Rai’s wedding got me thinking. Why should a woman be trolled or abused on public platforms by people who are not in any way affected by the relationship? Does this happen only with women in public professions?

A few weeks ago, while taking a ‘news’ reading break from work, I chanced upon a story published by The Huffington Post on Digvijaya Singh and Amrita Rai’s wedding, and the byline, “I have married Digvijaya Singh for love”, as spoken by Amrita Rai, made me think – why is there a need for a declaration or an explanation for this? Now curious, I clicked on the article.

The article was about Amrita Rai’s Facebook post in which she declared the marriage (which is fine) and clarified and explained the reason for the marriage (love and not property or money), which isn’t fine. No. Not okay. Here’s what she wrote:




“I have married Digvijaya Singh for love. Therefore, I have already requested him to transfer all his property and belongings to his son and daughters. I only want to embark on this new journey with him, working towards a dignified, professional career.”

Sad.

And, unfortunately, this is not an isolated case.

Why should a woman – any woman – feel the need to give an explanation on a public platform to friends, colleagues or the world in general about her decision to marry someone or leave someone and the reason behind it? And, why should the world be interested? Why should she be trolled or abused on public platforms by people who are not in any way affected by the relationship? Does this happen only with women in public professions?

No, women from all walks of life and statuses have at some point or the other been questioned and judged on their decisions (any or all); even a decision as insignificant as having another scoop of ice cream has the power to elicit questions disguised as concern – you’ll catch a cold, you’ll put on weight. What if she wants to catch a cold or put on weight?

Women are often put in a situation where either by force or out of misplaced guilt, they themselves end up giving explanations for their intentions, decisions, relationships, chosen careers to other people, giving the right to complete strangers to not only judge their life choices but also freely give voice to those judgments and opinions – publicly.

Women are often put in a situation where either by force or out of misplaced guilt, they themselves end up giving explanations for their intentions, decisions, relationships, chosen careers to other people, giving the right to complete strangers to not only judge their life choices but also freely give voice to those judgments and opinions – publicly.

This habit of giving needless explanations must stop. It doesn’t serve any purpose. If people already think you’re wrong, your explanation won’t have any affect on them. If they think you’re right, they don’t need the explanation.

So, ladies remember the following points when you feel like you owe an explanation to the world for your decisions:

  1. Only the people who will be directly affected by your decision need to know the details or the reason behind it – the world doesn’t need to know – not now not ever
  2. You cannot make a decision based on “what will people think.” This is your life and what you think matters most
  3. Be fair with yourself and others.

And remember that as long as your decision doesn’t cause conflict and damage someone’s life or reputation, you’re okay. And if it does, then you don’t explain, you apologise and seek forgiveness.

Image via Shutterstock.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Comments

1 Comment


  1. BV RAMACHANDRA RAO -

    THOUGH I FULLY AGREE WITH YOU, WE CANNOT JUST GET ALOOF FROM WHAT THE PUBLIC FIGURES ARE DOING IN THEIR ‘PRIVATE LIFE’ SINCE THE ACTS OF PUBLIC FIGURES MUST BE SUCH THAT THEY DO NOT GIVE US ANY WRONG SIGNAL WITH WHICH WE MAY BE DRAGGED AWAY WHEN THEY ARE REVEALED.

    AS A KNOWLEDGEABLE PERSON, AMRITA RAI MUST HAVE PROBABLY THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE GIVING HER REASON BEHIND MARRYING HIM.

    BY EXPLAINING HER DECISION, AMRITA RAI HAS GIVEN A CLARITY TO THE SOCIETY THAT SHE IS NOT DOING ANYTHING CONTRARY TO THE SOCIETY OR ANYTHING AGAINST THE LAW OR ANYTHING DETRIMENTAL TO ANY ONE IN THE SOCIETY.

    I THINK THAT WHAT AMRITA RAI HAS TOLD, IS NOT AN EXPLANATION BUT A WARNING IN THE GUISE OF AN EXPLANATION TO THE INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE HEAVILY INTERESTED IN HER MATTER, THAT SUCH ISSUES OF PRIVATE LIFE OF A PERSON SIMPLY CANNOT BE LEFT TO THE TASTES OF THE INDIVIDUALS AS FAR AS THOSE ACTS ARE LAWFUL.

    I AGREE WITH YOU CENT PERCENT.

Share your thoughts! [Be civil. No personal attacks. Longer comment policy in our footer!]

NOVEMBER's Best New Books by Women Authors!

Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!

Orange Flower 2018