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What is concealed depression? Could a friend or loved one be suffering from it? How can we help?
Been having a bad day or week? Isn’t it our second nature to say, “I’m feeling depressed”? But the term we use so loosely is in fact a clinical condition. What has come to light in recent times is the term – concealed depression.
This suggests that our insecurities and fears cause us to feel upset or low as we find it difficult to express and overcome them. We tend to ‘conceal’ from others what is truly bothering us and are still able to put on a happy face around others.
We all have layers to our personality and keep our darkest layers completely hidden from those around us. We do so out of fear of being judged and subsequently rejected. With concealed depression, an individual fears that if they expose their true feelings and thoughts, the other individual would not want to deal with it and the consequence would, inevitably, be to feel unloved.
We wake up in the morning, handle our domestic duties and then for some of us, head off to work and deal with colleagues and superiors, head back home and tend to the family and complete our chores and for a lucky few, there is some recreational time before retreating to bed.
Through the course of our routine, while surrounded by people and situations, we may yearn to be by ourselves, to get some quiet time and not have to deal with anything or anyone. And in concealed depression, this need occurs not because we so want to but just that we are unable to be ourselves in the company of others and find it easier to be on our own.
We don’t return calls from friends, cancel on social engagements and don’t really feel the need to check instant messages or updates immediately or act spontaneously. All this takes serious effort and at some point in time, we just can’t bring ourselves to do so.
At times we feel, Who really cares to know about me? Why should I wax poetic about my day and plans ahead?Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
At times we feel, Who really cares to know about me? Why should I wax poetic about my day and plans ahead?
Conversations seem empty and pointless even when we may have a hundred thoughts running through our mind. But we do not feel like voicing these. At times we feel, Who really cares to know about me? Why should I wax poetic about my day and plans ahead? And the rest of the time, the need strikes to retreat into our shells and dwell there; hence the lacklustre dialogue with others.
Concealed depression is real. It is not merely associated with sleep and eating habits being affected or crying spells or isolation; rather, it may border on these, the distinction being that one is able to appear in control, calm and happy when among others, all the while living in their own private hell.
It may be triggered through stress at home, or on the job, nastiness directed at the individual, troubled relationships and capricious friendships. It makes one question their purpose and that of those in their lives. It makes one question, would anyone be scared to lose me? It makes one question their value and worth in the eyes of those they consider important. And the ever looming question: Is my worth as an individual truly reciprocal?
It is not about grand gestures or flattery but the slightest acknowledgement and appreciation for the other which can help the spirit soar in ways that are indescribable. It is the warm feeling we experience, when we smile not just with our mouth but with the eyes – when those we consider significant, are pleasant to us. Just that, simply pleasant. Tremors to this result in a feeling so earth shattering that one is left holding the broken pieces, wondering how they reached this stage – of feeling lonely even amidst others.
If you see a friend not seeming themselves or unusually quiet, ask them about it.
If you see a friend not seeming themselves or unusually quiet, ask them about it. Those who may appear happy and fun would still appreciate questions stemming from concern rather than curiosity. And for those who may be feeling this way, the fog does clear indeed and gives way to sunny skies.
Just as we all hope every morning when we pray to the weatherman, the prayer is directed back to the soul. It’s not easy dealing with feelings of unhappiness when all we so desperately wish for is to feel loved. But the best way to start is to remind ourselves that we are alive and we survived another day and so could get through it, to a happier place eventually.
I’m taking baby steps too.
Hiding your emotions concept via Shutterstock
Soul centric and free spirited all the while living life through travel and adrenaline junkie activities. Counselling Psychologist and Educator by vocation. And a life and laughter enthusiast by heart. Usually found daydreaming about her read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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