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Why this obsession with table manners to the extent of dictating the 'right utensils' and the 'right way' to eay?
One night, we had two South African women over for dinner. The menu was Indian, and the mode sit-down. Prepared to have a little puzzlement over the eating-with-fingers part, I was surprised to see one of them dig into the puri-sabzi with her fingers and eat with delicate gusto. The other held the rolled-up puri in the left hand and ate sabzi with a spoon held in the right, apologizing for her “lack of manners”. Her enjoyment of the food, however, was equal to her companion’s. I was happy that they enjoyed the food, regardless of the mode of eating.
So this particular bit of news is disconcerting….
Recently, when the mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, was clicked while digging into a pizza at the popular Italian Eatery , the picture went viral. Reason? Of Italian-American heritage, poor Bill was crucified in print and on video for eating his pizza with a knife and fork. The media went into a frenzy calling this a ‘flub’ and Forkgate was discussed more than the policies that this ten-day-old-mayor proposes to implement at the office.
Is this is as important as it has been made out to be?
In Western countries, besides the knife, fork and spoon, a number of special utensils such as those for buttering bread, eating oysters, fish, fruits, etc. are devised and may be present at a traditional Western sit-down dinner. Who can forget the scene in the film Titanic where Jack (di Caprio), all decked in his borrowed finery is flummoxed by the array of knives and forks by the side of the plate. Later, however, this lack does not come in the way of his proving himself a better human being than many others at this table.
In India, the custom is to eat with your hand, specifically, with your fingers. A good meal is relished on a banana leaf by cupping mouthfuls of food with the entire palm, especially the rasam-rice or liquidy kheer, often slurping it up and licking one’s fingers after a meal. There is a certain earthy satiety about eating traditional food in this manner.
In a country, where most of our countrymen go to sleep with just one meal in their belly, one would imagine that there is very little fuss about this.
But, the reverse is true.
The hair-splitting with regard to the mode of eating pasta or paratha, dosa or doughnut, curd-rice or risotto has now reached our shores. This means that most of us are rather circumspect about the method of eating food, however tasty it is. Many of us eat traditional foods such as idli, dosa, parathas, samosa with knife-fork-spoon and some of us eat with our fingers. But does this diminish our enjoyment of our food? Surely not!
Growing up in a middle class family in the seventies meant that we rarely ate out. So the juggling of a knife and fork was a ‘skill’ that I had to master in my late teens, because hotels (as restaurants are referred to, in India) supplied these utensils and I did not want to appear gauche. Naturally, my first few attempts were hilariously disastrous.
Then, came the art of eating noodles and spaghetti with the fork, twirling it around and then aiming it at my open mouth, with some delicate balance. Another humour-laden experience.
Later, came chopsticks, which I had to use in my mid-twenties. Will never master it , though. Because, age and its consequent wisdom has taught me certain things.
Whatever the mode of eating, the final aim is to eat. To satiate one’s hunger; which is one of the primary and basic urges of humans since the day of their birth. Provided one’s table-manners do not offend one’s companions, the rest is merely detail.
Unfortunately, modern living has created a section of people, which is overly conscious of the techniques of eating food as much as the variety of food being eaten. Not only that, they ridicule, humiliate and look down upon persons who cannot or will not eat in a certain ‘sophisticated’ way.
So, pizza should be folded longitudinally in your fingers and bitten into, sushi held with chopsticks, bread should be broken with fingers and buttered with the butter knife…and so forth.
Reverse snobbery or just obsession? I leave you to decide.
Do you have any episodes to share?
Pic credit: David Wright
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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