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What does it say about us when we judge people based on their appearance and looks, and do not take the time to know them?
Has your long-awaited promotion or pay-hike gone to a colleague who is less-qualified? Maybe you could check if that person is taller, trimmer or good-looking.
This study in March 2013, found that tall or good-looking persons, persons who worked out or were slim, women who wore make-up (among other criteria) stood to earn more money. Apparently blondes earn more and very pretty women earn less.
But are these prejudices limited to pecuniary or monetary considerations?
I recently spoke to a friend who said that since she is single, people assumed that she is also unhappy and lonely.
“She speaks English with a vernacular accent, so she is incapable/ stupid” is another ‘ass’umption. I have seen instances where persons who are professionally capable, but unable to speak English with the requisite flair are bypassed for jobs and other opportunities.
“He belongs to a particular community/race, so he is an anti-social element.”
Statistically shaky, so this is an ill-informed comment.
“That girl is good-looking, so she must be dumb.”
The list goes on.
How often have we judged someone’s trustworthiness and capability based on flimsy criteria?
Doctors face this as well. I have found that wearing a conservative Indian dress and sporting gray hair and spectacles mean that certain patients take you seriously.
Would we trust the scruffy engineer or clean-shaven computer geek, who defy stereotype?
Time and again, I come across people who make patronizing assumptions, which surely point to their own asinine mental capability. Short dress means slut, excessive hand gestures equals gay, single signals available, or whatever.
A SIGN OF MODERN LIVING?
In prehistoric times, where split second judgements meant life or death, this was a natural fight-or-flight reflex for survival. But today, this irritating human habit is an extension of the speed-of-light manner in which we live our lives. The fast car, speedy escalator, 30-minute oven-to-mouth delivery, fast-cash ATMs, quick–heat foods, T-20 cricket; things that need to be done faster than a snap of one’s fingers. Ergo, the addiction to short interactions, quick solutions and rapid decisions.
Mark Twain said, “You cannot depend on your judgement when your imagination is out of focus.” Judgmental people have no imagination.
They meet someone and slot them into a category, ticking boxes in a mental checklist. Compelled to fill out the list, they categorize the person instantly. One cursory look and we begin -rich or poor, gay or straight, happy or sad, good or bad, smart or dumb.
Somewhere along the line, we hyphenate our criteria for EVEN speedier slotting. Fair-and-lovely or dusky-and- ugly, happy- and- married or unhappy- and- single, dumb-and- pretty or smart- and-severe-looking and so on. So busy are we in categorization that we do not take the time to truly know the person.
For example, a girl of my acquaintance denied consent to an arranged match because she objected to the way the proposed “boy” sipped his tea in a saucer, a ‘down-market’ habit.
HEY! STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES.
Due to habitual fast-tracking , rarely is time taken out to savour an experience, relish a taste or aroma, enjoy a melody, read a poem over and over again to discover a previously missed nuance, enjoy a sunset or admire a pretty flower.
But, by making judgements about people, we are doing greater harm. As a parent, our attitude could create another human being with the same approach to life.
As a boss/ professional/colleague, we may deny some worthy person the chance of a lifetime because of our preconceived notions.
Policemen have arrested persons because they are the most “likely” (based on community, social strata) persons for the crime.
Image consultants are thriving because of our modern quick-fix needs. Our response to a certain appearance, manner, spoken phrases are so well studied, that we can be bamboozled into liking, choosing, voting for certain persons based on these criteria.
But, let us not forget that while we are busy judging someone, someone is being judgmental about us as well. Unfortunate, is it not?
Have you been the victim of this kind of snap judgement?
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Many women have lost their lives to this darkness. It's high time we raise awareness, and make maternal mental health screening a part of the routine check ups.
Trigger Warning: This deals with severe postpartum depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
Motherhood is considered a beautiful blessing. Being able to create a new life is indeed beautiful and divine. We have seen in movies, advertisements, stories, everywhere… where motherhood is glorified and a mother is considered an epitome of tolerance and sacrifice.
But no one talks about the downside of it. No one talks about the emotional changes a woman experiences while giving birth and after it.
Calling a vaginal birth a 'normal' or 'natural' birth was probably appropriate years ago when Caesarian births were rare, in an emergency.
When I recently read a post on Facebook written by a woman who had a vaginal birth casually refer to her delivery as a natural one, it rankled.
For too long, we have internalized calling vaginal deliveries ‘normal’ or ‘natural’ deliveries as if any other way of childbirth is abnormal. What about only a vaginal birth is natural? Conversely, what about a Caesarian Section is not normal?
When we check on the health of the mother and baby post delivery, why do we enquire intrusively, what kind of delivery they had? “Was it a ‘normal’ delivery?” we ask.