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Recently, I heard that a distant relative, a young woman, had married a paternal cousin (though not a first cousin). The news surprised me, and not just because of the health risks of consanguineous marriages. In the South Indian community that I hail from, marriages between cousins are not at all uncommon, provided they follow certain norms.
Until a generation ago, it was very common (in fact, even expected) that a girl would marry her mama or athai’s (bua’s) son. Marriages between the children of two brothers or two sisters are however strictly forbidden, since such children are considered true siblings, not cousins.
Which is why this marriage I heard of surprised me. Knowing fully well that the genetic risks are no different whether one marries a cousin related in one way or another, nevertheless, it seems less ‘strange’ to marry a cousin related through a maternal line. Because that is what is familiar. And familiarity breeds thoughtlessness. (Even among educated people, it seems.)
Then, I came across this video (thanks, IHM for the link!) and was appalled to find children as young as 5 and 6 talking about being ‘polluted’ by those from Dalit families.
Why? Obviously because from a very young age, they have been so familiarised with the concept of untouchability that even without fully understanding what it means, they know how it works.
Years ago, while working as a market researcher, I was conducting focus group discussions at a remote village near Muzaffarpur in Bihar. Everything went well and I was winding up for the day when a group of the more educated villagers (‘BA pass’) gathered to chat with me.
We discussed peaceably the issues the village had and the attractions of city life when one young man piped up. “Madam, people say Bihar is lawless and unsafe; what do you think? Haven’t we treated you well? Did you have any difficulty?” And then he delivered the coup de grace. “That’s why you must interact only with people of good caste, like us. Then you will know how good the people of Bihar are.”
No doubt that young man was once like these kids in the video with their shining eyes and laughter and pushing and shoving.
When thinking about caste and other taboos, my own reaction to a distant marriage in my family showed me how easy it is to be thoughtless.
Founder & Chief Editor of Women's Web, Aparna believes in the power of ideas and conversations to create change. She has been writing since she was ten. In another life, she used to be read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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