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Standing up for myself and my loved ones has been far more satisfying for my mental peace than choosing to go with the toxicity.
I don’t know how common this adage is – but I think everybody at some point would have heard ‘Blood is thicker than water’. Simply put, it means our blood relations are much more valuable than our acquired relations. It means that when the time comes, more often than not, it’s our family who will stand by us in times of need.
I always believed that to be true to an extent – in the sense, we know exactly where we stand with family – good or bad; and will not have the insecurities or misunderstandings one faces with friends. Friends come and go in different phases of life, but family stays on. They are the people who have been there since our childhood, we have grown together, celebrated happy moments and festivals, and also mourned the loss of loved ones together.
There is always some drama and some misunderstandings, but family is normally assumed to be stable and not the variable aspect of life. We learn to live with and accept the different personalities – dramatic, fun-loving, patronising, condescending, idealistic, gossip, show-offs– no matter which one you look for, you will always find that personality in different relations. But what do you do, when the dynamics of an unhealthy relationship in your immediate or extended family move on to toxic and antagonistic? Do you continue to be loyal or choose your peace of mind and principles over these ties?
Having faced such scenarios for some time now – I’m choosing to move on from the people I once called my own. Standing up for myself and my loved ones has been far more satisfying for my mental peace than choosing to go with the toxicity. Do I mean to say that I or my loved ones have never made any mistakes? – Heavens, no. It does mean that we are in the process of acknowledging, realising, and ensuring we do not repeat our mistakes. It means that we are trying to rise above our prejudices and egos to look at the bigger picture. Have I already accomplished this? – No, it’s a process.
The real achievement here is to recognise an unhealthy relationship and step aside, even when you have this gut-wrenching urge to scream or argue your point. Instead, I take a deep breath and choose to not justify my actions. The healing and moving on come later. It has been one of the most difficult things that I am learning in life. To best put across how I feel- if one of the stems of the plant starts rotting, we generally clip it off to allow new leaves to grow in the same place. Similarly, it’s prudent to recognise when to leave behind the relations that are rotting your mind and move on to new people and experiences.
I came across another version of the same adage that I started this post with- The Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. It means that the family you choose is stronger than the one you are born into. Ultimately, I think respect, love, understanding, and above all TRUST is the most important factor in all relations.
You have got to spread your wings if you want to fly!
Image Source: Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels via Canva Pro
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Children should be taught to aspire to be successful, but success doesn't have to mean an IIT admission only!
Imagine studying for 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 whole years for the JEE exam only to find out that there’s only a very, very slim chance of getting into an IIT. It is a fact widely acknowledged that the IIT-JEE is one of the toughest exams not just in India but in the whole world. Apart from IITs, the NITs and IIITs of India also accept the JEE scores for admission. There are said to be a total of 23 IITs, 31 NITs and 25 IIITs across the country.
Now, let’s first get a few facts about the IITs right. First, according to the NIRF rankings of 2023, only 17 IITs rank in the top 50 engineering colleges of India and only a few (around 5) IITs are in the list of the world’s top 100 engineering colleges. Second, the dropout rate of IIT-qualifying students stands at least at 20%, with reasons being cited ranging from academic pressure and unmanageable workload to caste discrimination and high levels of competition within the IIT.
So, it’s quite clear that the journey of making it through IIT is as challenging as the journey of getting into an IIT. Third and most important of all, the acceptance rate or the odds of getting into an IIT are below 3% which is a lot lower than the acceptance rate of highly and very highly ranked US universities. Four, getting into an IIT of one’s choice doesn’t mean one will also get into a branch of one’s preference at that IIT.
Dr Nalini Parthasarathi, 79, based in Puducherry has dedicated 30 years of her life caring for people suffering from hemophilia.
It is amazing when a person turns personal adversity into a calling, and extends empathy to make a significant impact in the lives of other people. This has been the life’s journey of Dr Nalini Parthasarathi.
April 17 is World Hemophilia Day. Dr Nalini Parthasarathi, 79, based in Puducherry has dedicated 30 years of her life caring for people suffering from hemophilia. She was honoured with the Padma Shri in 2023.
Hemophilia is a condition where one or more clotting factor is absent leading to bleeding. Severe cases can be life-threatening.
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