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Every day I inch closer to an arranged marriage set-up, and it hampers my peace of mind and the dignity of my parents.
I never had high hopes for an arranged marriage. I have friends who found the love of their life, and they believed that I would eventually find love. Every day I inch closer to an arranged marriage set-up, and it hampers my peace of mind. Of course, it also hampers the dignity of my parents.
“Once you lose a love battle, you always hate the word love”
Since the lockdown hit us, everyone was home, and I have been working from home. Every day I look at my father writing down contacts, calling unknown numbers, posting my pictures in Matrimonial groups, and whatnot. My mother keeps telling me that she suffered from a cataract as she kept looking at the phone screen, searching for my prospective husband. We joke about it, we laugh about it, but deep inside my soul – I just want everything to stop right now.
I don’t want some greedy people asking my father, “what is your budget for marriage?” (They meant was under-the-table dowry)
I don’t want people to remind me, “I am short height, or I have a wheatish complexion?” (their son wasn’t fair either)
She kept joking about my height!
I would like to narrate an incident here. I suffered from an accident a few months back. In the meanwhile, my parents shortlisted a potential groom through some matrimonial site. I was informed to have a conversation with the guy’s mother on a video call. I wasn’t comfortable having a video call. My father told their family about it. Still, the guy’s mother pushed me to have a video call. I wanted to disconnect the call right there when she kept joking about my height.
When I told my parents about it, they were angry about her behavior. But, no one said anything.
There was another time when the guy’s mother told my parents she would be asking the guy to have a conversation with me. That never happened. Again, one day she insisted to have a video call, and that day I lied about my phone being broken.
When the final day came of meeting the family, I was hesitant as I wasn’t able to walk confidently post-accident. At the hotel, I met the guy and had a conversation of around 1 hour. I was hoping to understand this prospect better, but all we talked about was the weather in Bangalore, traffic in Bangalore, and some hobbies. In the end, the bill came up for dining around 4 hours. No points for guessing who paid the whopping bill (of course my father).
Not sure if I was a client presentation that was awaiting feedback!
Days passed and we were hoping to have an answer. After 4 days, when my father called that guy’s father – there was eventually no show. He returned to my father’s call at 10:30 PM, beating around the bush. He replied that there is no positive feedback.
Well, I am not sure if I was a client presentation that was awaiting feedback. I am not sure how did that guy judge me based on the questions he asked. I am pretty sure, I failed their height calculation (the guy was 6 feet and I am 5’3). Is my father’s money water? Do we have to go around paying bills for people who are judgemental towards working women? Did anyone ask me how I feel being rejected now and then? Did anyone ask me about my career goals? Did anyone care to see the helplessness on my parents’ faces?
I don’t want to get married at the stake of my parents or my dignity. I am not sure when this trauma will be washed out of my brain.
Image Source: Rajeshkoiri from Pixabay
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'Dr Saloni will take care of everything,' my MIL said. My cowardly husband refused to go against his mother’s wishes. I was left to fend for myself!
Some time ago, I went to a marriage ceremony with my parents. It was a very high-profile marriage – not the ones we usually were invited to – but in this case it was Ramesh uncle’s son’s marriage. Ramesh uncle was my father’s first cousin. He began his career as a humble elevator operator at the TIC business group. With his sheer hard work, grit, and the knack of sensing the right opportunities, within eighteen years he became the president of the company. My father and he were the best of friends during their school time.
Half an hour before the stipulated time, we left our house, hired an auto and reached the venue. All four of us were in our best outfits. Getting out of the auto and looking at each other, we were highly convinced that we were going to fit in just right. As we crossed the dazzling and beautiful portico, we felt very insignificant compared to the big lawn and building lying ahead.
Mother was wearing all the jewellery she had got, including the big old-fashioned necklace, earrings and shiny bangles. Father was wearing a velvet coat, brother had put on a light orange shirt with a black check coat, I myself was wearing a red salwar kurta with a net dupatta. I had put on a necklace with red beads which at the time of wearing looked very pretty to me. Now looking at the other guests, I felt all four of us must be looking like clowns who had come for a fancy-dress competition. I felt my brother and parents were also feeling self-conscious and uneasy now.
“What you call love is actually possessiveness. You made all my decisions for me. I would probably be happier without you in my life,” Revant screamed!
Revati’s life had changed when, after ten years of being an only child, her parents brought in a stranger into the house. She had looked at the young boy who had wide, frightened eyes, and she had fallen in love with him on sight. He was small-made and a lone tear hung below his eye as he looked around at the huge house with its crystal chandeliers and eye-catching artefacts.
Ma had hugged him impulsively.
“Come here, little one! Meet your sister, Revati!”
Any marriage is a gamble. But isn't an arranged marriage, something most Indians find themselves going through, an even bigger one? How does it really work?
Any marriage is a gamble. But isn’t an arranged marriage, something most Indians find themselves going through, an even bigger one? How does it really work?
The arranged marriage system has come a long way in India through the advancement of the internet. But despite the technology, is the risk much higher today, given our changing lifestyles, transitional mindsets and complicated attitudes, with parents and children both relying on each other’s judgment?
“I am getting married next month!” Announced my friend on one of our whatsapp groups. I assumed it was a joke. I sent a laughing emoticon. Soon some other friends started congratulating her. She thanked everyone.
The debate about arranged vs love in case of marriages does not take into account the wish of those who are getting married. Why don't we do that?
The debate about arranged vs love in case of marriages does not take into account the wish of those who are getting married. Why don’t we do that?
“Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! It is an ever fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken….”
Shakespeare was not really giving any details about love in the strict sense of the term – it can be romantic love or love of a parent for child or anyone for that matter. Yet we take it to be one of romantic love. It has eluded humankind. It works in such strange ways. Too bad, the Bard wasn’t born in the 21st century. I wonder what he’d have written about love today.