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Did You Know It Is Perfectly Okay To Discuss Your Sex Drive With Your Partner?

Posted: May 21, 2020

Contrary to popular opinions, ‘shall we do it?’ is not the sex talk you need to have with your partner. Here is why and how having the ‘talk’ will help!

Are you an urban Indian, looking for a partner? Do you talk about sex? If no, why not? Psychology says, the basic physiological needs of a human are- air, food, water, shelter, clothing, warmth, sleep and… SEX.

Did you know that in almost three-fourth of the relationships, the ‘sex talk’ does not happen! Why did I quote sex talk? Because it is not as normal as it should be.

We live in a world where we have made so much progress in urbanisation, industrialisation. And we also have platforms for individuals to find their matches, yet we still avoid talking about sex!

Casual vs committed relationship

Casual and committed are two vastly different types of relationships which depend on the choice and relationship goals of the partners. However, different they as may be, discussing physical intimacy is extremely important.

In a relationship, you talk about your hobbies, goals, aspirations and family openly since these lay a foundation to know your partner. But an equally important factor is your physical intimacy. It needs to be discussed with the same normalcy and is as important as knowing your partner’s goals or hobbies.

Whether casual or committed, all kinds of relationships require discussions on important topics, and physical intimacy is one of them. The sooner you do it, the better.

Why is it important to discuss your sex drive?

We live in an era where global matchmaking platforms for dating are becoming widely popular. Thus, there is a greater need to discuss physical intimacy before getting into a committed relationship.

If you think knowing a person’s personal and professional goals are the only things to know while choosing your partner, maybe you are wrong. Not discussing physical intimacy with your partner before getting into a committed relationship may cause problems in the long run.

Let’s see why:

  • Communication is one of the most important steps in a relationship, this includes communicating your sexual goals and desires too. Being a speaker and a listener are both important for an effective relationship.
  • Not discussing your sex drive often leads to miscommunication and disappointment.
  • A well-known parameter for checking compatibility in a relationship is physical intimacy.

Different sex drives? Not an issue!

Say, you’ve discussed the aspects of physical intimacy with your partner and discovered that their sex drive is different than yours. Well, first of all, congratulations, for having taken the major step in a committed relationship.

Secondly, it is completely alright. Having a different sexual drive does not mean that you are incompatible. It only means that you are in an honest relationship.

Here are some tips that you may like to consider.

  • Communicate your idea of physical intimacy and sexual goals.
  • Acknowledge your partner’s desires. They may differ from yours, but they are still desires!
  • Do not be burdened by the pressure that you must fulfil or live up to your partner’s expectations. Communicating does not mean engaging.
  • Experiment and find out what works for both.

For a committed relationship, talking about your sex drive should be among your top priorities. Discussing physical intimacy is an important step in your relationship and missing a step leads to falling off the stairs!

If you have discussed your sex drive with your partner, kudos to you!

But if not, here you go!

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Befikre.

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Shalini Singh has close to three decades of work experience across continents. She is founder,

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