Read on how to enrich your life by purpose, i.e. to find depth and, a reason to get out of bed each morning, your own Ikigai.
She has been the best blessing I could have gotten in my life. She turns 9 year old this year and I still remember that first innocent look my baby gave me with beautiful big eyes.
It was a beautiful summer day of June. My heart was constantly pounding, as it was another checkup day for me. I was approaching my delivery date. I had been through a hard pregnancy, being the first pregnancy. But I guess, first pregnancies are mostly hard, especially considering the sudden hormonal and body changes. I don’t feel that I was happy during my pregnancy. The gestational diabetes had set in during my 5th month, which had led to missing on most of the fun stuff I could eat.
I was though upbeat that day, about getting the baby out and meeting it for the first time, and I was excited about that. I wasn’t although prepared for the birth process. In India, there is very less education, if any, given about the birthing process.
The bits and pieces that doctors told, was also something which I couldn’t visualize or relate to. So the whole mystery of birthing process was terrifying to me.
I had gone for a lot of checkups and ultrasounds, considering my diabetes, falling off in bathroom on my tummy and my general phobia around something happening with the baby and me not hearing the heartbeat. I was so used to the checkups and was pretty confident that today, too, I will be checked and sent home to be asked to come back again for another checkup.
My husband and I showed up on time for the appointment. The doctor called us in and asked me to lie down on the bed for checkup. I did the same. She used her stethoscope to check the baby’s heartbeat and immediately asked me to go to another room on other side of the hospital. We followed the same. I was still pretty sure there is nothing happening today as I felt very normal, no pains, no changes and no different feeling.
However, to my surprise, the doctor came in and asked me to get admitted as apparently, I was already dilating. I was surprised but super happy for two things, one that the baby is ready to come out and the super day has come, and two maybe my body is not going to feel the pain as much, as, if I was dilating already and feeling no pain, maybe that’s a good sign.
Alas, my hopes were not to last that long. I got admitted in the morning and nothing was felt till evening. As a result, the doctors gave me some medicine, with the help of which they wanted the contractions to begin. Then came the real fun( pun intended)!
Once my water broke, which I had no clue on what happened, as I felt a sudden thud in my tummy and the water was coming out of weird places all over the bed, I was wrapped in an adult diaper which was embarrassing. The pains were crazy and I was screaming on the bed. I had read that once the water bursts, I should be pushing the baby with every contraction. Being the super read , soon going to be mom, I started doing the same, without the doctor asking me to. While I thought I will be applauded for it, the doctor snubbed me quickly on not pushing the baby out. I had no clue on what was going on, except the fact that it was about 2 am at night, I was in crazy tremendous pain, and any more suggestions on how to deal with pain, I could have killed that person. I have to tell you that I was not under any epidural and was taking the contractions without any pain killers, because apparently if you feel the full pain n get the baby out , your attachment is more with the baby(I strongly disagree with this, but well, what did I know being the first time mom!) I did see the doctor getting stressed though and while it was windy outside and heavy downpour started, the air conditioning was full in the room, to the extent that I was feeling cold. That is when I noticed the doctor sweating. Really?? In this cold room ? There was something wrong!
The pains were that bad that I didn’t want to focus on anything else. Suddenly my bed was moving and I was taken into Operation Theatre. The senior doctor was already there. I asked the doctor, what’s happening? The doctor told me that I need to go for a C- section instead of the normal delivery, that I had always wanted. I was shocked and only thing that came out of my dried mouth was ‘WHY??’. The doctor did not give me details except that they cant wait longer to get the baby out. Just after she said this, an injection was inserted in my spine and I was conking out. I saw a curtain placed above my belly so I couldn’t see anything. I remember feeling a cut being made down my belly, me asking , what’s happening and a junior doctor trying to talk me off topic, asking where do I work etc.. Before I knew, I was sleeping. In few minutes, I heard faint and panicked voices, “the baby has turned blue, the baby has turned blue, get her out, it’s a girl”. I could not register much of what was happening due to the heavy anesthesia I was under. But I managed to open my eyes somehow to have a first look at my baby girl, who was hanging down from her legs that the doctor was holding, completely dark blue/gray in color. I heard the cry come through and then a series of cries. Before I knew I was back in sleep again.
All I remember after that was when I was being taken back from the Operation Theatre, to the room, someone shoke me hard enough to say “look at the baby!”, I opened my eyes with much effort to find a beautiful baby with big eyes looking at me, being taken by the nurse on stairs. My heart melted and tears filled my eyes with happiness! I fell back to sleep again, relieved that my job was done and my beautiful baby is safe and sound in this world.
P.S. What had happened that led to a last moment C- section was that the baby had started loosing heart beat rapidly. The umbical cord had wrapped under her armpit and the more the baby was being pushed through contractions, the more the umbical cord was stressed cutting off the blood supply. When the heartbeat dropped low, the chances to save the baby were just 25%, the doctors took the decision to go with the C section.
Image Source: Pexels
Surbhi Arora works at a big Finance organization and is a mother of two beautiful
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