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It was on one fine evening, my friend pinged me on Whatsapp, the quickest way of communication for us except gram. She pinged me to inform the results of an entrance exam held by a prestigious institution that we both wrote. When I opened the results pdf I was completely clueless to not to find my name there because I had a false hope of getting through which I realized only at that moment. When I showed it to my amma, she was shattered but she managed not to express before her little daughter. We both controlled our tears in order to console each other. But, unfortunately, I broke down and ran to the terrace. In my absence, amma consoled herself with her tears. I was the only means of my mother’s consolation.
After an hour of sobbing, I came down consoling myself. I know not getting through an exam is common. But in my case, it is different. For a girl who continuously scored good marks in class, who managed to give her best in anything and everything she does, failing an exam is not an easy one. Anyways I accepted it in one or the other way. You can tell me that ‘ Failure is the stepping stone to success ‘. Of course, it is but not now and definitely not this way.
There are about seven hundred students chasing their dream along with me and much better than me and having the same false hope I had. Unluckily, all their hopes shattered into nothing except for the thirty-six students because of their hard work who got a high-rank recommendation and got through the exam. Congrats to them. But what about me, us, the left out ones with false hopes and the so-called worthy candidates to fit in your so-called quota.
Since I’m writing this, I have to be honest with the readers right? So I’m putting this too. I also had a recommendation from the Principal’s sister and from Rector’s friend. Even though I have them, I secretly wished to be selected based on my academic, talents and skills. But surprisingly academic, talents and skills have nothing to do with this.
Amma was very quiet and she didn’t even face me.
Uncontrollably I started blaming her for destroying my future. I’m not in a situation to understand my mother’s psyche. She controlled herself from breaking out. But it doesn’t last too long.
I didn’t bother about the money she spent or the thousand phone calls she made each day. I was really bothered about her efforts of getting her child into a reputed college. Her sleepless nights and deteriorating health was my only concern. She remained passive but she was hustled from inside of her guiltiness of destroying her little kid’s dream. Which mother can bear her child suffering?! She didn’t understand that it was not she but the education system. Situations make people suffer a lot. At last, she hustled herself to hatch the eggs of guiltiness through her tears. We both cried.
Anyways.. it doesn’t make her better. She again ended up giving me false hope of getting me into the same college. I appreciate her confidence but not her false hope.
This false hope created a crack between my amma and me. What I want to say is never give people false hopes. You have no idea how much it affects them. It is true that hope is really necessary but the same hope has the power to destroy relationships.
There is a saying that every human in one’s life has a purpose. I would like to replace the word ‘purpose’ with ‘benefit’ because it gives more sense. Every relationship ends because of false hopes…. from trusting, lying believing… and at last ending. Believe the hope of yours and not the others!
Image is a still from the movie Akeelah and the Bee
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