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The key here is to manage your time, energies, and priorities while communicating with your long-distance partner. Once you do that, the rest of the things will fall into place.
When it comes to relationships, the quality of communication depends on how much life you cover using your imagination, intellect, and spirit. It’s about covering certain spaces of life continuously and telling their stories to your partner. This is how communication gets enriched and even mysterious at times.
This is how partners can give an edge to their communication, and enjoy each other’s independent lives rather than their allegiance to each other.
It’s not about making your interaction symbiotic. When two lives come together romantically, it’s too organic an event to be reduced into a symbiotic interaction.
Whenever a person falls for someone, that initial sense of connection is exhilarating and intense. This is even more prominent in long distance relationships, as there is a need to make up for the lack of physical intimacy.
Everything else takes a back seat, and there is a continuous urge to intellectually or emotionally sense the other person. There is a strong temptation to spend endless hours on texting and writing letters.
But this is where things go slippery, and couples get carried away. Communication is the cornerstone of long distance relationships. Therefore, it should be nurtured with maturity and paced nicely.
Having a give-it-all attitude in the early stages of LDRs makes communication rather intense and rigid, and an element of casualness or humour goes missing. It becomes difficult to change this pattern in the later stages of a relationship, which invariably results in a break-up.
When people are in love, they divert their energies toward keeping their relationship stable and alive. In LDRs, this tendency is even more strong. That’s why the life outside of a relationship suffers more in LDRs, and when a person realizes this, it’s often too late to step back from the established communication pattern.
Even worse, a person loses touch with the other shades of human relationships, and the quality of conversations with family and friends flattens. In the long run, it’s not good for a person’s social health and may lead to a state of depression or isolation.
So, if you are on the verge of a long-distance relationship, hold your horses and let it cook over a mild flame. Don’t indulge in daydreaming about your partner and devote some time towards building a healthier lifestyle, which includes maintaining your relationships with people around you.
See yourself through the eyes of different people. This way you can rediscover yourself and make your life more dynamic. Sooner or later, you will realize that one person cannot be the centre of your universe.
The key here is to manage your time, energies, and priorities while communicating with your long-distance partner. Once you do that, the rest of the things will fall into place. Here are a few tips that might help you in this regard.
If you think that texting your partner during office hours or ogling his/her Facebook wall during your spare time is sustainable, then you are clearly mistaken. Instead of being impulsive, you should dedicate time to your partner. This way you can have emotionally or intellectually enriching conversations with your partner.
LDRs can become tiresome after a certain while. The sense of individuality starts diminishing. Still, the communication is kept alive, either out of habit or fear of losing.
To make the situation more balanced, tell your partner that you really care for him/her but you need to find the other missing parts of your life. Plan out your interaction, say two or three days a week, at least for a month or so.
Do the same for your partner. If you feel insecure or fearful in doing so, then it’s a sign that you have lost touch with your individuality. So get back to things that had defined you earlier in life.
Friendship is the greatest journey, the longest and the best. So instead of bombarding your partner with messages, make time for your friends, no matter what. They bring in perspectives that are often truthful and lead to introspection. They keep you grounded and away from self-delusion.
“Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup”- Khalil Gibran
Image via Freepik
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).