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Your surname should be your right to choose and should not be imposed on you due to traditions.
The name gives us our identity so it’s very important to have a name. But ever wondered why a surname? Surname makes our identity unique. When you are born in a particular family you are known as the son or daughter of that family. Your family name becomes your surname. Child of a Gupta family will have Gupta as his surname, that of a Sharma family will have Sharma as his surname and so on.
So here started the journey of my surname. I was born in a Dube family so was given the surname Dube. I was always proud of my surname. It felt so nice when somebody would say “Dube Ji ki Beti ho”. It was my surname hitch made me different from many others who shared my name. I still remember we had 3 girls by the name Shruti in my class. The only thing which made our identity differentiate was our surname. This surname walked with me in all phases of my life. My school, college and work. I carried my name and my dear surname with me. From me being proud of my father to him being proud of having me as his daughter my surname carried a lot of value for me.
But as Indian traditions go there is a tradition where a girl has to change her surname. Yes, tradition as we call it. In India, a girl has to change her surname after marriage. She has to leave her family name and accept the new family name of her husband.
I wonder if it is really justified.
If I talk about my individual identity I strongly believe it is because of what my Dad gave me.
I was born in his family. He took the responsibility to bring me up. He loved and cared for me. He worked hard till late nights in order to give me a comfortable sleep. He ensured I get the best of the education. He took all my tantrums still provided me with the best. He fulfilled all my demands. He guided me in every walk of life. He stood by me in my ups and downs. If it’s the father who had fulfilled all my demands and given me unconditional love then why is it that I have to leave his identity. I believe my surname given by my father is well deserved as its because of him that I have an identity in this world. Why then I have to leave that identity and adopt the identity of a person whom I don’t even know very well.
With all these thoughts in my mind, I come to just one conclusion. Your surname should be your right to choose and should not be imposed on you due to traditions.
Image via Pixabay
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I recommend reading Manjiri Indurkar's Origami Aai alongside her memoir to have a fulfilling and enriching experience of telling one's story with grace.
It’s All In Your Head, M famed author Manjiri Indurkar’s debut poetry collection, Origami Aai, is independent and yet an extension of her memoir in which she speaks with utmost grace about all forms of abuses that she has survived. In this book of intriguing and evocative poems, the poet weaves words to form images of the everyday life of her middle-class family, love found and lost, trauma, and healing.
The collection is divided into four segments, beginning with the family, slowly moving towards the world, and finally colliding them together.
We aren’t in mourning, but we are creatures of habit.
So we talk of each one who died of drowning,
and I listen to her stories with the patience
of a chronicler.
– Funereal Stories
When someone accuses you of "too much feminism", what they are really saying is, "I am uncomfortable with you challenging the status quo and disrupting my privilege".
Time and again, there is one phrase that keeps coming up in the social media discourse on feminism. Any guesses?
Ah, no prizes for guessing the infamous “itni bhi feminist” or “too much feminism” phrase, a classic eye-roller for me, and I am sure for many more of my tribe, in the realm of gender equality discussions.
Pray tell me, how can an ideology, a movement be too ‘much’? It’s not salt or the seasoning of your soup where you can go, “Oops, too much salt, only one spoon was required”. Either you stand for what feminism stands for, or you don’t.
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