We don't have to be a feminist to reverse the stereotypical gender roles. Let's be humanist and take things rationally and logically.
Now, I am of the firm conviction that small talks are to be taken seriously for the mentality change begins from there. For example, recently I went to a function and happened to witness the conversation between the female host and a male family friend.
Female Host: How is everyone? Your son, what is he doing?! Your daughter, what is she doing?
Family Friend: Well, son is pursuing his professional course and daughter is doing her post graduation.
Female Host: Oh nice. Daughter means ‘responsibility’, no? Just get her married at the earliest. Studies will go on. Daughters are ‘responsibilities’. Your son, you can marry him later.
Family Friend: Yes, she is still studying. We shall see.
I wonder when will it be the time when we will get out of this sick mentality that ‘daughter’ is a ‘responsibility’ or a ‘burden’ and having a ‘son’ is like the one who ‘takes up responsibilities’ or ‘reduces the burden’. If you are bringing up your own children in such a stereotypical setup, no wonder there is a skewed sex ratio, female foeticide, dowry deaths, deaths as a result of domestic violence, rape culture and of course, the increasing population. Because we think, a girl over 23 to 25 years of age should not be kept at home. She is ‘your’ daughter, by the way.
I am not generalising here. My point is that a child should be brought up in the same way by the parents or guardians irrespective of their gender. If you are telling your daughter to put away her brother’s glass in the kitchen while he sits there watching TV, this is pure discrimination. You are in fact conditioning both your son and daughter towards gender stereotyping.
And you realize what the greater harm is? You are making your son accustomed to this “Why do I have to do this?” attitude. The cycle continues to how he will treat his wife and his children and it’s just a loop.
Please don’t do this. For all the husband, fathers, brothers, nephews and the other male ‘relatives’ who are reading this, please don’t think that you have the male privilege to subdue women and ask them to be a puppet in your hands. They are NOT. And it’s about time you understand.
You should not feel proud that your wife or mother cooked breakfast for you even though she was sick herself. There is nothing to be proud of that fact!
Try and understand the pain of women during menstruation, instead of ranting about how lucky she is to be sleeping all day or why did she not cook or why did she cook a particular thing or the most common question, what was she doing all day sitting at home? I reckon, if men were to menstruate, we would not have to fight for ‘menstrual leave’ anymore. Because, you know, menstruation is too much pain for the men to bear.
To all the wives or mothers or sisters or nieces or any female ‘relative’ who are reading this, it’s time for you all to teach your sons all that you have been teaching, preaching, advising and training your daughters for. The circular trend of this stereotypical mentality needs to be cut with the diameter of our progressive and well-meaning actions. And you have to make a start!
What if the family friend in the above conversation had replied back telling that, “Daughters are no responsibility. My daughter is also my child and how can I call her a responsibility? She is studying and she has full discretion to decide how her life should be. I would never pressurize her to marry just because she is 24 years or just because she is a ‘girl’. Sorry.”
Instead, the family friend gave a diplomatic response. He might have been proud of his daughter from the inside, but he didn’t speak out. Maybe he thought, “How can I tell that my daughter doesn’t want to marry in front of them? And what’s the point of speaking with them, they are of such mindset etc.”
Well, you are making a point to stand by your ‘own’ daughter. You are not telling that they should not be pressurising their daughter (Because you might have a moral obligation here to tell them not to pressurize, but you have no right). But, even when it is about your daughter, you fail to speak up, how do we expect things to change?
Things would never change if you accept these small talks as casual behaviour. Counter it in a responsible way. There is no point cribbing about women’s right in a classroom or proclaiming yourselves to be feminists. We don’t have to be a feminist to reverse the stereotypical gender roles. Let’s be humanist and take things rationally and logically.
Let’s learn to respect the individuals for what they are and not on the basis of what their gender is. And yes, it all begins with that small nonconformity to a narrow-minded, prejudiced and stereotypical small talks. Correct them right there. And by doing so, you might have just sown a seed which would grow into a tree spreading into branches of love, mutual respect and compassion and give shade irrespective of your gender.
P. S: I am no exception to this for it is something I fight out every day at home, family functions or while conversing with relatives, grandmother, father etc. I get into arguments, sometimes I fail and sometimes I give up thinking that, I will wait for the right time to hit my bullet. All that I want to ensure is to bring in the diameter to this circular stereotypical thought process in as many instances as possible. Life is too short to not try to not conform, right?
Image via Pixabay
Proud daughter of the strongest and selfless woman. All that I am today is the result of her struggle and sacrifice. And this is one small effort to put my opinions, views and observations into read more...
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This strange love story reminds me of Princess Diana when she gave an interview about Prince Charles - "There were three of us in this marriage!”
This love was flawed and broken the way only we humans know how to break things with our ego, pride, insecurity and complexities!
Where do I even begin to tell the story of how deep a love can be, how it transcends time, place and people. Perhaps this is a story about how women are their own worst enemies. Either way it is a story that tells us how frail, fragile and fraught we are as humans and how much we hurt each other.
This love story began when I was two years old. Growing up in India in a culture that wove love stories like Laila Majnu, Heer Ranjha and the epic symbol of love, the Taj Mahal, into the very fabric of our existence, love was always an integral part of our lives.
One such love story was of a boy and a girl who were neighbours. The boy, an athlete, artist and a poet, found his muse in this shy, thoughtful and in her own way poetic girl, who seemed to worship the very ground he walked on. Her face could be found in all the paintings he created, and her name in every poem he wrote. The girl called him Sagar, which means ocean, symbolizing his all-encompassing love for her.
Everything thing was going well; their wedding date was being finalized, till the boy’s older brother who was a doctor in the same little town, got accepted into Stanford Medical School to do his MS.
Earlier my husband would say, 'Arey! What is there in making dal-roti? It's so simple.' After he had to cook everyday when I was ill, he has stopped saying that to me!
“Arey! What is there to do in making dal roti? Put a handful of lentils in the cooker and let it whistle and make two rotis. After all, how long will it take?” A handful of dal (lentils) and two rotis! This is the story of every woman and no one seems to understand.
Some time ago, after a shopping spree, my husband and I entered the house, exhausted. I had just about kept all the bags aside, when my husband said, “I am very hungry, can you make something.”
I looked at my husband in amazement and thought, ‘He had just had food, how did he get hungry again so soon?’
My husband, as if he had read my face, said, “Arey! You know that my stomach is not filled with outside food. Just make dal roti. What is there to do in making dal roti? Put a handful of lentils in the cooker and let it whistle and make two rotis. After all, how long will it take?”
‘Is this the way dal (lentils) and roti are made?’ The thought came to my mind. ‘After all, I also went along and now I am tired too.’ I was also getting angry at myself that after all, I had spoiled the habit of everyone in the house.
Is our society with its so-called culture that we like to show-off to the world, designed in a way that we refuse to accept our sons and daughters at par with each other?
27th September 2020 was Daughter’s Day in India. All our social media portals were flooded with images and messages of people sharing their bond and happiness of having daughters. Reason? Well, to create awareness about how much of a blessing daughters are.
From a bird’s eye view, the day brings to the fore the delicate bond that parents share with their daughters. A daughter is her father’s pride and a piece of her mother’s heart. Oh, how lovely!
NOT!
It’s always expected that the son has to bear all responsibilities of the parents. Not the daughter. Her one and only responsibility is to take care of her parents-in-law.
A medical emergency in 2018 forced my father to relocate to the nearest city, which is Kolkata, West Bengal. Of his three daughters, I was the only one around. Hence the responsibility was totally mine. After a couple of days in the Intensive Care, Baba stabilized and came home. Since then I have been around helping them with every need of theirs. My sisters have also been a pillar despite being away physically.
Every time I meet someone, I am rewarded with, “Oh you are just like the son they never had.” Or “You will put all the sons to shame.” Another well-wisher pointed out, “Not even the sons can do what you are doing.”
Initially, I would shrug it off politely. Gradually, it started irritating me. I would reply back. “I am fortunate that I am being able to do at least something for my parents.”