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A woman feels her husband does not support her while another feels guilty of being married, yet getting attracted to younger men. What would you suggest?
Every Thursday, the Women’s Web expert panel with the support of Healtheminds, answers questions from readers facing relationships issues, emotional and mental challenges and other such issues.
I got married in Aug 2008; my husband wants to have kids in the US, and he is trying to go to the US from the past 5 years, and even though I insist on planning for a family, he’s not extending any support. I am not interested in going to the US…I have to take care of my mom, she’s 75 yrs old. I am 32 years old. My husband is 38 yrs old. Please help. I feel like ending my life. I will be grateful if I can get any help. Please help.
Thank you for reaching out and expressing your concern. Marriage comes along with a lot of responsibilities, challenges and decision making. I understand that you are facing a difficult situation where on one side you have your husband and on the other side your mother. It’s not easy to choose one and leave the other. At the same time it seems that you and your husband are not on the same page when it comes to planning a family.
Communication is the key to resolve issues related to marital conflicts. Try and put across your thoughts to your husband and work with him to create common goals and a win-win situation for both.
There is no one line answer to marital issues. It needs commitment from both partners to work towards making it a success. Though it’s easier said than done I suggest you to seek professional help since your situation would need constant effort over a period of time to resolve this issue.
– Suchi, Psychologist, Healtheminds
I am a 45 year old married woman. My husband is 49. We are married for the past 17 years. We have two sons. It’s been a good marriage. We are doing well in life.
The only problem is that, I keep getting attracted to younger men. My husband has a law firm. We have a lot of young lawyers, who keep coming to meet my husband; I get so attracted to them.
I do feel guilty. My husband is a very nice man. My sons are in hostel in Dehradun. Please help me, what do I do.
Thank you for reaching out and expressing your concern. I truly appreciate your courage and confidence in coming up and discussing your concerns related to your attraction to younger men. Not many people accept their internal feelings and emotions which often lead them into more problems in future.
Guilt is a natural response to such situations but you should never fall prey of it. Instead find out and understand the reasons behind your feelings and try to overcome in order to get back to your happy life with your family. Many men and women experiences similar situations at some point in their lives. Most of the times it is a silent void either in our relationships or within us that mostly goes unnoticed and ignored, which may lead to these kind of situations.
At times the lack of quality time and intimacy shared between a couple who is married /committed is one of the most common reasons seen in such situations. Sometimes even though one is happy in a relationship/marriage, lack of quality time, adequate and appropriate expression of love, and affection encourages the partners to look for acknowledgement and reciprocation of emotions elsewhere.
Spending most of your time alone at home without a very supportive social circle may also lead to such free flowing feelings and emotions which are momentary. Create personal goals for yourself which will keep you occupied and shift focus from people around. Personal growth and achievements create internal happiness. This will also give you an opportunity to interact more with your family and develop a bigger social circle where you can share your imagination, ideas and experiences.
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