Have you commenced the second phase of your career after a career break? Share your story & get featured at Women in Corporate Allies 2022.
A 30-year-old woman asks about her physically abusive boyfriend, whom she is all set to marry next year.
Every Thursday, the Women’s Web expert panel with the support of Healtheminds, answers questions from readers facing relationships issues, emotional and mental challenges and other such issues.
In this edition of #ReachOutThursday, a woman in a relationship where her boyfriend is physically abusive seeks advice on what to do.
I am a 30-year-old woman, working in an IT firm. Professionally I am doing very well. I am in a relationship with a man for past 5 years; we plan to marry in July 2016. He is also an Engineer in an IT firm. Professionally we both are doing well. Our parents are also very happy about our marriage. But my boyfriend turns violent when he gets angry. He becomes physically abusive. It seems he is a different person when he is angry. Otherwise, he is the nicest guy on earth. I spoke to his mother about this. She says that things will be fine after marriage. My boyfriend refuses any help in this matter.
Good to know that you are happy in your relationship.
However as per your version I have a few suggestions to make:
Also ask her the frequency of such violent anger outbursts since childhood. Would he get physically abusive with anyone then or are you only facing the brunt of physical abuse?
Firmly say NO to physical abuse – even when he may convince you that you provoked him into getting angry because of some wrongdoing of yours which may have been intentional or otherwise.
Please remember, no provocative situation (even one in which you may have been completely wrong) can justify physical abuse.
Once physical abuse begins from a boyfriend or husband, it will never going to end howsoever polite or submissive you might become. If you “accept” this pattern in a relationship – just to “keep” the relationship because otherwise he may be pure gold in temperament, its never going to stop and you will be welcoming yourself to a life time of torture and trauma which may turn one into a social, emotional, physical and psychological wreck.
Please do meet a counsellor too with whom you will be able to talk about specific coping strategies in dealing with specific anger tantrums. It will be easier to make him come to terms with his anger and abusive issues now than after marriage. Your mother-in-law is a typical mother who blindly believes that things will automatically improve after marriage. Such issues never get resolved on their own. You will have to take concrete action and demarcate your boundaries politely but firmly.
– Dr. Amita Puri, Psychologist
Have a question that you would like to run by an expert and get an opinion? Use this form to ask!
Cover image via Shutterstock
HealthEminds provides a platform for online video consultation with psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, life coaches and nutritionists. With a panel of renowned and certified psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors and nutritionists, HealthEminds is available 24/7 to cater read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Bollywood (and the Indian society, at large) needs to understand that women's sexuality is real, and lesbians don’t just hold hands and hug each other. They have sex too.
First, I have a few questions.
When does Gayatri (Rani Mukerji) find out that her husband is gay in Bombay Talkies (2013)? When her gay male colleague tells her that her husband kissed him.
It’s sickening to watch habitual offenders like Sajid Khan crying on national television for being out of work for 4 years. Really, now Sajid’s playing the victim card?
Big Boss 16’s notorious host, Salman Khan and the Colors Channel has welcomed with open arms filmmaker and comedian Sajid Khan, who’s accused of sexual abuse by not one, two or three, but nine women to date, on the show.
Make no mistake, Sajid Khan’s participation is the digital equivalent of flashing his dick to the world, especially to his victims.
Saloni Chopra, film journalist, recalls her horrific hiring interview with Sajid, and much more, in this piece. Here’s a sample of completely unrelated questions that Sajid asked her.