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When heartbreak strikes, moving on from the situation is rarely easy. Here’s how to move on and let your brain help your heart go forward.
“You still stuck there. Please move on buddy!”
“You are making fun of me even today for that. Come on guys. Move on!”
“Heart breaks are normal in life. You should try and move on darling.”
How many times would you have heard the words ‘move on’ in various contexts! Moving on is a much required phenomenon in any one’s life. If you can’t move on you are damaging your present. If you stay where you are and refuse to budge, you are hampering your future. But is it so easy to move on for every one?
In this post we shall talk about moving on and the challenges involved in it. This is an interactive post and I would like to see your replies and experiences.
Long long ago, when I was in school, I was very emotional. Not that I am less emotional now but then I was a wreck. I was an intelligent girl who loved to have fun and laugh a lot and always wanted to express what I felt with ease but my emotional quotient mostly kept me in silence.
I was scared of so many things. My dad used to compare me with Lord Hanuman who at some point forgets his special powers. I am not a mythology expert but I remember just this bit, though I never researched on the whys and what’s of this information. My family instilled this belief in me but it is not possible to always have family by your side…
I still remember the day when I was giving the 7th standard board exams and when I had to give a tough paper one day, I got boils and itching started all over my body due to some histamine release and over excitement. I had to take Avil-25 to calm down. I am very sensitive to slightest of disturbances. They can be physical, chemical or psychological. Avil 25 used to come to my rescue. Even today if I am over excited, my nose starts itching horribly!
Going back to the exam day, by God’s grace I finished the exam, by the end of which I looked like a ripe tomato. The memory stayed with me. It was not so easy to move on. I always carry Avil with me, whenever I travel or when I face an emotional upheaval but perhaps my immunity increased with age and I stopped feeling the necessity of popping the pill! I am allergic to many foods, smells, noises and my body instantly responds in weird fashion but somehow I learnt to control the reactions! If only it was so easy to control the emotional disturbances…
Our basic necessities in life remain simple until other people start impacting our emotions and some external energy controls our system. Some people are rock solid and ward off the external forces even if it means being a loner but some can be easily influenced. At times the influence is so strong that they are no longer the people they used to be!
Currently I know 2-3 friends who are going through various kinds and various phases of heart break. Some seem like they have moved on. I don’t want to scrape the dead wounds so I don’t ask any questions but it kills me when I see anyone going through extreme emotional turmoil. Yes, women are bigger emotional fools but it doesn’t mean men are devoid of emotions! Some things in life, like liking a particular person, falling for them or getting your life linked to theirs are mostly not under our control. After all we are humans whose self-control goes for a toss in certain scenarios!
Making your heart say yes or no and keeping your will strong at the right time changes the game! When I shifted from Bangalore to Hyderabad I was feeling utterly sad. Hyderabad is a city I adore but I was still not feeling good about the big move. But then, I could do nothing to stop it other than moving on. It was a bittersweet experience for the past 6months. Even if I still remember Bangalore in a fond manner, I have got used to Hyderabad. I am xenophobic and a new job, place and people always make me jittery but I had to change three jobs after my wedding and have learnt how to move on though I am yet to master the art of moving on. Ultimately I have no regrets and moving on did make me stronger professionally and personally!
The situation is more challenging when we deal with matters of the heart and assume that we are strong enough to be practical when time demands but end up facing the repercussions! A failed marriage, a broken friendship or a relationship, lack of expression or emotion in your partner or any one else for whom you developed immense liking being extremely insensitive towards you – all these scenarios leave a gaping hole in the heart. Mending it takes a hell lot of time. So much time that you wonder why you are feeling so lethargic with each passing day.
You curse yourself. You mouth cuss words. Then you try to move on. You do new things. Go to places. Meet friends. Cook. Write. Party. Travel etc. The pain subsides but lingers till you actually move on. The actual moving on happens only when you really want to move on, which is when you suddenly realize he/she has moved on and you are being an idiot by making him/ her the motif of your life.
Shit happens and rather than making it hit the roof, floor and walls, it is better to flush it out. You need good company to do so – a trustworthy friend, a companion who is fun to be with, and a sibling with whom you can share your darkest secrets, and so on and so forth. Doing things alone is a herculean task. We all have those few special people whom we can bug with our bickering, our thoughts and feelings. But a time comes when you have to fight a lone war because everyone around you is doing the same and because you and only you can put an absolute end to your tangled thoughts.
Your friends can act as catalysts but for the reaction to happen, you need to act first! I am not saying that matters of heart are simple. They are too complicated. The heart does what the heart does even when your brain keeps cautioning it just like in the below cartoons!
Heart Vs Brain
Emotions and heart games are usually played by any person till he/ he feels you are perfectly under their charm or control. If they get what they want then they are happy or else his/her brain starts taking an immediate action. When the brain intervenes, the hearts involved seem like a load of crap. When someone, whether it is your brain or your a&^&ole partner easily say You Have To Move On!, just when your heart actually started wanting more, it hurts! It hurts like hell.
It takes too much time for your heart to rest and to let your brain do the talking, but if you do that talking, you are saved. My only message to all the emotional creatures out there is that give your brain some work too. Do not enter in to any kind of relationship if your brain is continuously giving different types of warning signals! Do not make yourself a victim to vague signals of the heart. Try to find that perfect balance between the heart and brain for your peace!
If it is not your cup of tea, it is better not to drink it or at least be wise and get rid of it after 2-3 sips. When you see your relationship is going nowhere or if you get negative vibes from your partner or boyfriend it is better to cut it in the root stage and move on. Any kind of relationship demands emotion, whether it is short-lived or long-term, whether it is with strings or with no strings. It is tough to have a physical attraction towards a person minus emotion but if you realize that the other person is a jerk, if you are getting subtle signals which your heart may filter out before reacting but the clever brain senses, please listen to them. Do listen to your brain once in a while to wake up, to regain sanity and to move on!
Yes, it is said that following your heart gives you a sense of fulfilment but it is not always true. Just like in the image shared below follow your heart but do take your brain with you!
Having shared these awesome quotes, I just have a last piece of advice to all who are experiencing emotional turmoil and fighting all kind of battles – in the battle between Heart and Brain may you win and get what you deserve the most. Don’t feel bad for being vulnerable. Wear your emotions like a boss.
I am sure there will be someone who will just be fine with who you are and who has the emotional quotient similar to yours! Lastly, thanks for keeping up with this post loaded with random thoughts and emotions. Do share your experiences and in life remember to move on if you should!
First published at the author’s blog
Top image of woman at beach via Shutterstock and all other images from respective FB pages/websites as cited.
This is Afshan. The meaning of my name is "bright" or "radiant" :). I work on
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